You Earn Your Body

Let's get real.  Real honest.

This post is about me.  It's for me.  Maybe some of you can relate to what I'm about to say.  Maybe you can't.  This is for all of the ladies out there.  Particularly the mamas.  The women that WANT to CHANGE, but DON'T BELIEVE that they can.

I'm tired of wanting, but not believing.

My body tells me it can run a half marathon (though at the moment my right leg would have a shit fit if I did). The mirror tells me that I have my mom's stretch marks.
The scale tells me that I weigh 177.2lbs.
The measuring tape tells me that my drop waist (3in below the belly button) is 39in.
The height chart tells me that since having a second child I have shrunk to 5'8".
My heart aches to feel comfortable in my own skin.
My brain tells me that I have the knowledge and the tools to make positive changes to my nutrition plan.
My family history dictates that I have to change things.
My inner critic tells me I am too weak to do what I need to do.

I am telling my inner critic to fuck off.

I am running this show.

Twist of Fate

Sunday's run ended in defeat.  I'm getting a bit wiser in my 'old age' and I had to make a judgement call.  Keep going or get hurt.  My trail race on Saturday isn't happening.  Well, it's happening, but I won't be there.  Just when I found my motivation, my psoas had a conversation with my knee and my knee started chattering with my foot.

The buddings of potentially terrible running injuries.

And so, I rest.  I ice. I ibuprofen (as if it's a verb).

And I take my new motivation and keep in my back pocket until I'm ready to test out my right leg.

Maybe I should be a triathlete again and find a little balance.

Updates and Emotional Responses

There is something to be said about reaching a goal...I just haven't been able to think of what exactly that is.  My first race of 2013 was over a month ago now and I have started the race report umpteen times and gotten no farther than, well, I haven't gotten very far at all.

I think I expected too much emotionally from the race.  I wanted it to be everything that my Thanksgiving 5k was and more (after all, a half should be proportionately more awesome).  It wasn't.  It was just 13.1 hilly miles.  It felt ordinary.  Normal.  And at the end I was indifferent about my time (2:32:43 for those that are wondering).  It was a time that I knew I could run.  It made me believe that I could run sub 2:30 with a few less hills on the course or a few more miles on my running shoes.  My psoas punked out around mile 4, a little earlier than I had thought it would, but it turned out okay.

Okay.  Normal.  Even a bit mundane.

This malcontent bugged me for almost a month.  My runs since have been work.  I've been a bit uninspired.  My next race is a tough one.  A trail half next weekend.  And I've been nervous about finding some motivation to get myself to the start line and the finish line.

Monday, I found my motivation at the finish line of the Boston Marathon.

I may not love all of my runs, but I love that I am able to run and that makes all the difference today.

Race week!

Oh...well, hello there.  I last posted about starting my official 12 week training plan and here it is, Week 12.  So much for blogging along the way.  Really though, something in my life had to give and this little space on the internet had to be it.  Frankly, I missed it.  You.  My sparse readers.  Training has gone relatively well, I didn't miss a single long run!  I missed 2-3 weekday runs total and shortened a few others.

I'm not perfect. (Shocking, no?)

I'm excited and nervous for Sunday's race.  If I think about it too long, I'm terrified although I'm not sure what is more nervewracking, leaving the kids for the weekend or the fact that I trained on flats for a hilly race...

Do I have any goals?  Yes.

Start out MUCH slower than I have in all of my training runs.  I've averaged 11:00/mile pace for all of my long runs up to 10 miles...on VERY flat roads.

Let gravity work for me on the downhills.  I'm usually pretty good at this.

Cruise whenever possible.

Have fun.

And lastly, finish without injury.

Oh, and beat my trail times since I've never run a stand alone half on the roads before.

ACK!  Wish me luck!

The Beginning

I could ramble on about the holidays...the stress, the eating, the lack of sleep, pushing ourselves to the brink of insanity...you know, the usual.  I'll spare you.  All you really need to know is that there were lovely moments and we all survived.

Now for the running.

9+ weeks of 3x/week (with the one week where there were only 2 thanks to sickies).

Most consistent I've been in YEARS.

Yeah, I've been a runner slacker in the past and there are people that will read this and scratch their heads about how happy I am with my consistency.

3x/week isn't a lot.  It's manageable.  And it has happened every week.  Boom.

I don't feel overwhelmed.  I feel refreshed.  I smile in anticipation of my runs (most of the time).  It's good.

And on Christmas my half marathon training officially started.

3 miles in the snow.

The beginning.  And a clean slate.

RR: Turkeyman Trot 5k and a tell all

TMI - Lots of honesty here...scroll down for the race report.

Lately I've been hard on myself.  It's hard to look get out of the shower and look directly in the mirror and struggle with the reflection.  My body is the mother of 2.  My body went through two healthy pregnancies, gaining 60 and 45 pounds respectively.  My hips, always on the curvy side spread to 4 feet around when baby girl was born.  As much as I would remind myself that I'm only a few months out from giving birth I couldn't quite acknowledge any progress.  There is REAL progress happening, at a normal rate and the 5k that I ran on Thanksgiving was a reminder that I needed very badly.

Thanksgiving morning came and myself, the hubby, his sister and brother in law, and brother left all of our kids with the grandparents and headed out for the local turkey trot 5k.  My brother in law has never been one to work out, but with a little encouragement he was running his 3rd 5k in a couple of months. My sister in law had a baby 3 months before me and her husband is one of those guys that with very little training (i.e. none) can go out and run a respectable 5k.  My husband hadn't run in a couple of weeks.  We were a motley (slow) crew.

I hadn't run this race in 5 years or so and this would be my first race since September 2011 and my first 5k since my AG win and near PR in July 2011, but I had been consistently running for the last 6 weeks and even had a couple of 3 mile runs (on trails, no less) in the weeks prior.  I gave myself permission to be slow. Very slow.  My training runs have been right around 12min/mile pace and I knew better than to expect a miracle.  In our group of 5 I was pretty sure that I would finish 5th and I was trying REALLY hard to be okay with that!

With 4000 of my closest friends, the husband and I tucked in with all of the others and made our way to the start.  A quick kiss and off we went!

The course was PACKED and there were an obscene amount of walkers...kudos to everyone that got out and got some exercise that morning, but seriously.  START IN THE WAY BACK.  Instincts kicked in and I busted out of there as best I could without blowing up.  I wanted to run the first mile in 12:00.  Um, not so much.  3/4 of the way through the first mile and I was still passing walkers.  A LOT of walkers.  Way too much dodging and curb jumping than I had planned.

Mile 1 - 10:46

Oh shit.

I was either going to explode and crawl to the finish or I was going to hang on.  Every step of that second mile was focused on breathing and form.  I was standing tall, I wasn't listening to people blabbing around me, I wasn't looking for my peeps.  I just ran.  Don't think, just run.

The course is ultimately no net gain/loss.  Tiny false flats, the smallest of gradual downhills though I remember at one point before the 2nd mile marker to let gravity, no matter how small, do its job.

Mile 2 -10:40 (21:26 on the clock)

The quickest of assessments...I felt great, better than great actually.  I told myself that I needed to finish this thing in 12 minutes.  And if it doesn't hurt, go faster.

I had no idea where my friends were, though the thought of beating all of them made me smile for a minute.  The last mile I really remained focused on my turnover and my form.  I was super conscious of my body.  Everything felt like it was in it's place.  I wasn't collapsing over, I wasn't compensating for a weak right hip.  I was running tall and SMOOTH.  This was going so much better than I could have imagined!

The last half mile or so is a straight shot to the finish line and I ticked off the traffic lights one by one until the flags were in view.  Rather than kick so hard that I wanted to throw up I quickened my pace and started to smile.  A BIG smile.  I really wish there was a picture of what I'm sure was the cheesiest grin.  All I could think of was giving birth to my beautiful little girl less than 4 months ago and feeling this good running a 5k.  I thanked my body for my 2 babies and for being strong enough to do what I was doing in that moment.  Running strong.

For the first time since some time in 2010 when I managed to out leap a bunch of 20 somethings and consistently hit a triple pirouette in a dance class I was thankful for my body.  So incredibly thankful.

And the tears were tears of joy.  And pride.  Very rarely am I proud of myself.  I am proud of my husband and how he handles the stress of his new job and our crazy hectic life.  I am proud when my son learns a new word or exudes confidence with his peers.  I am proud when my littlest v-sits her way to a sitting position in my lap.  But in that moment I was proud of myself and that is a moment I will hold on to for as long as I can.

Mile 3.1 - 10:57

Finish time - 32:23

Race Schedule 2013

I am in an absolute tizzy about races in 2013.  Long, short, run, tri, road, trail, local, travel, blah, blah, blah.  So far I am registered for one race.  ONE.  I'll be running a half mary in the ATL come March.  Once registration opens next month I'll register for a trail half in April much closer to home.  It's a race that I've done a couple of times...before either of my kids were born.  Love, love, love the race though.

After that my brain stops.  I've been looking at wetsuits and tri kit.  I've looked at mountain bikes.  And then I look at the pool schedule.  And then I look at my hips in a suit.  And then I gag.

No, in all seriousness, I think that pure running might be the way to go for the year.  I don't need to spend a lot of money on gear other than shoes for the rotation and some clothes.  Maybe a new watch.  And with 2 littles at home, maybe that's the way to go.

But I have my eyes set on some races later next year.  One is epic in length (and course).  The other is epic in altitude and notoriety.

Clearly, the local turkey trot isn't going to cut it, but I'm running that too! ;)