Running Down My Dreams

A quiet plea

2012-01-31T16:15:00.002-05:00

Without going into detail yet, this is a big week in our house...potentially life changing on multiple levels.

Please God, let this year live up to its potential.

11-11

2012-01-30T13:20:00.002-05:00

I'm not one to tag or be tagged, but considering my randomness lately I'm taking Misty up on her all encompassing tag.

If you want to play along, tag - you're it!

11 Random Things

1-A million years ago I was a darn good clarinetist in terms of musicality. My sister was the master technician and our band conductor said that if you combined the two of us we could have made a go at playing professionally.

2-I tend to eat junk food while watching episodes of The Biggest Loser...the bigger the bowl of ice cream, the better.

3-Until recently I refused to wear nail polish because my nails are short. Lame, but true.

4-When I was young I thought I would have everything I ever dreamed of by the time I was 30, then I realized that real life was better than anything I could ever dream (aside from endless trips to Europe and an overflowing bank account).

5-The last long run I did (back in AUGUST) I had my first black toe nail. It's growing out nicely...still.

6-Muppet is nearly 26 months old and I still haven't spent a single night away from him. All that is going to change next Tuesday and I'm kind of crapping my pants about it.

7-I have worn the same pair of shoes nearly every day for the last 18 months and you can tell.

8-The series Downton Abbey is wonderful. Yeah, I'm a nerd.

9-Reading Dr. Suess in French is HARD, but a great mental teaser...the down side is it makes me want to go to France. RIGHT THIS MINUTE.

10-I have an envelope stashed in my house labeled 'Norway.' Currently, there is only $11 in the envelope. Good thing my goal is my 40th birthday.

11-The town I grew up in had less than 1,000 people and a penny candy store.

Misty's questions

1. What is the love of your life?
Dancing and sports medicine

2. Who is the love of your life?
My husband, more and more every day.

3. Why do you run?
Lately, I haven't been. I've spent a lot of time walking though...

4. Why aren't you running right now?
I'm at work...

5. Are you being the world you wish to see?
Honestly, no. I spend more time than I should worrying about the bad.

6. Are you living the words you speak?
Mostly, yes.

7. Is there anything, right now, that you wish you could do but have been afraid to try?
Audition for the Rockettes

8. What's the reason you haven't tried it?
Can't justify the expense of flying to auditions with ZERO chance of landing a job.

9. What's the worst that could happen?
I suppose I could hurt myself, but that's never stopped me.

10. What's the likelihood of that actually happening?
Not great simply due to AGE (blah)

11. Now tell me again why you haven't done it?
I'm too old and too poor! ;-)

Is this thing on?

2012-01-22T12:02:00.002-05:00

Well, hello there *coming up for air.* Happy New Year and such!

This feels a little like confession...forgive me bloggers for it has been a month since my last post...although I've started several in the meantime.

Let's recap:

I've run...twice.
I'm still dancing, though not with the big girls.
I've paid off one of my student loans!
We took a whirlwind trip to the mitten and surprised the heck out of family. (totally worth it!)

And...that is really about it. It hasn't been a real exciting month and sometimes that is a-ok.

There, I said it.

2011-12-21T11:21:00.002-05:00

I miss wintertime running. In the snow. Wearing gaiters and a balaclava. And long underwear.

Oh, and I miss triathlons too.

Bucket Lists

2011-12-09T21:22:00.002-05:00

The concept of a bucket list isn't exactly new...or novel, but they are a great way to have a little fun and dream some dreams. Some people think of places they would like to go before they die, or what they would like to accomplish in a year, 5 years, etc. My bucket list is a mishmash of all things short and long term, random - just like me.

I've been reading race reports lately from fall marathons and late season Ironman races...and I add to my bucket list. I read travel stories on NY Times...and I add to my bucket list. I see pictures of delicious food items...I add to my bucket list.

You get the picture.

So in no particular order, I give you 10 items from my bucket list:

1 - Travel to the fjords of Norway in the summertime.

2 - Ski the Birkie.

3 - Run the Rock Creek Stump Jump.

4 - Ironman Wisconsin.

5 - Make macarons, not macaroons.

6 - See the Rockettes at Radio City Music Hall.

7 - Own lakefront property...on a real lake, not some weird man made thing.

8 - Travel to all 50 states (the rules for this one: must stay the night and DO something other than eat...for example go to the Iowa State Fair).

9 - Travel to Easter Island.

10 - Run a sub-60min 10k.

What are some of the things on your bucket list?

p.s. The streak of movement from Thanksgiving to New Year's is STILL going strong! Get moving, the Christmas cookies are upon us!

Happy December!

2011-12-05T14:12:00.002-05:00

So...happy December! You will all be relieved that I did not win a free entry into the Publix GA Marathon...everyone can exhale now...I know that I did! Me thinks the marathon is not for me, but dang it I WILL do another one. Just not in 2012.

December is one of my absolute favorite months. Muppet turned 2 this year, the Husband and I will celebrate EIGHT years of wedded shinanigins, AND I happen to LOVE Christmastime. All of it. The commercialism, the religion, the stark bareness of Advent, the malls in all of their ridiculous glory. Love it all. I also happen to love making tasty treats during the holidays. In fact, I've been looking to see when I can fit in a vacation day to get in all of my cooking/baking/dipping/etc.

I've been participating in mile-a-day challenge with some of my Kick teammates. The premise isn't so much getting in miles, but getting in movement. I'm 12 for 12 so far! This may be the most consistent I was being help accountable by a coach. Winning.

There are a few races on my radar, but I'm playing everything by ear this year. With the needle pokes of a few weeks ago there will be more needle pokes next week...but I have a tentative diagnosis. Hashimoto's. Say it, it's fun to say. It's an autoimmune disorder that attacks the thyroid gland and it may have played a part in some of my heartache this year. So, there is the possibility of medication or whacked out gluten free eating in my future. I'll keep you all posted since it's kind of fascinating thing and all...or not.

Only a couple of weeks until the New Year - get moving!

Giving Thanks!

2011-11-23T11:19:00.002-05:00

Following the cliche trend, 'tis the season for thanksgiving and I have so, so very much to be thankful for this year:

The husband, I can't put into words how much this man means to me. I am eternally grateful that when I demanded that first date he said yes.
The son, another one that I really can't express how my whole world turned upside down when he arrived and I wouldn't change a minute. He is my light at the end of the day.
My family, being so far away from them is a daily struggle made worse by the holidays but I am so thankful that they are healthy and happy.
The furkids, silly to be thankful for the family 'pets'? No even a little bit. Those 2 are our first 'kids' and few things are more comforting than a dog that knows when you've had a bad day.
Dance. It is my therapy. My happy place and I am so incredibly thankful that THD and his choreography are in my life.
My friends, this includes you! You all have helped keep me from a potentially very dark place this year. My family thanks you!
The ability to make ends meet and have a little left at the end of the month. Many people can't and I am thankful that I can.

And so, spread the love this holiday season and make it a habit throughout the year!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Needles and stuff

2011-11-20T20:54:00.003-05:00

There may or may not be some posts about needles in the near future. I am 99% sure that my thyroid is what is causing a good portion of my heartache and drama for 2011.

The GOOD news is that I'm doing something about it. First up, bloodwork. Lots and lots of bloodwork.

Get out your Strawberry Shortcake bandaids!

In RUNNING news...whoa, what?! (don't panic, we're not talking big numbers here)

Monday - dance
Tuesday - 1.5mi
Wednesday - dance
Th/F - nothin'
Saturday - 1.6mi
Sunday - 1.0mi

For a grand total of 4.1mi...it's something...

In familial type news my parents are coming for Turkey Day! And bringing delicious things from my favorite foodie store. Yum!

So, a needle poke and a gobble gobble to you all.

Random Nonsense

2011-11-18T07:49:00.000-05:00

It's Friday - let's be a little random! 15x random to be exact.

1 - If I win entry into the marathon in March that's the only way I'll register...just so you all know.

2 - I'm apparently now working on a thesis and I am not enrolled in a Master's program. Try that on for size...

3 - 2 runs and 2 nights of dance so far this week....gooooooooooo me!

4 - I was PAID to perform last weekend. Yup, paid doing something I love. In my life, this doesn't happen very often! So hurray when it does. :)

5 - I CANNOT wait to find out to hear if baby M is a boy or a girl.

6 - It's snowing in the mitten state and beautifully sunny in the peach state, mixed emotions.

7 - I'm only at number 7 and 15 already seems impossible.

8 - Rescued by my adorable kid, who wiped out at 'school' the other day and has a giant bump on his noggin.

9 - We are 2 months from not having a car payment. Holla!

10 - Someone should take away my passport and credit card, the travel bug is biting and he's spreading the Europe germ.

11 - Honestly, I won't be booking flights any time soon. Paying off debt has become a high priority...hello big girl pants.

12 - But it's the holiday season so people might actually GIVE me stuff (not plane tickets), but cool stuff like books and shoes!

13 - Friday sure took it's time this week.

14 - 4:45am is a crappy time to wake up, but it's not too bad when you fall asleep at 9:15pm. I am totally an old lady.

15 - The end.

Be a little random once in a while.

P.S. The word of the day is overcaffeinated. I blame the early wake up call.

Fourth time is the charm?

2011-11-15T10:32:00.002-05:00

So, Gourmet Runner is having a giveaway! Free entry into the Publix GA Marathon! You may recall that I registered for this race once...and my plans went awry. Perhaps training with a one year old was a bad plan?

It's no secret I've registered and FAILED to toe the line on my last 3 marathons...and I vowed not to spend good money on another one...but this one would be FREE!!!

If my name gets drawn I'll have to run it for charity and broadcast it to the world for accountability.

This sounds like a ridiculous amount of fun to me at the moment - danger Will Robinson!

48 days

2011-11-13T19:15:00.002-05:00

48 days until New Year's Eve and a whole year full of new resolutions. But why wait? Think of the calories you can burn, the workouts you can rock, money saved, new recipes to try - 48 whole days worth!

I love the conversation that happened over my money post - good discussion on heavy topics. Yay bloggers!

So in the next 48 days I challenge you to brush off your long forgotten list of resolutions and cross a few things off!

Even I have a few things up my sleeves. :)

Finding the Silver Lining

2011-11-02T06:00:00.000-04:00

Sometimes, we (okay, I) get bogged down in negativity. In not keeping up with the Jones'. In not having the career of my dreams. In not being able to run a 25 minute 5k. Etc, etc, etc.

And then I get a reminder of the amazing support of people around me. Maybe not my colleagues or the people that would claim that they know me, but the people that I interact with on other levels. The guys I used to coach track with, a fasthole from an online forum that I've 'known' for years but have never met, the sweet Ironwoman (soon to be Ironmama) in Chicago that I met through the blogosphere and had the pleasure of eating dinner with (twice!), the amazingly bad-ass chica in California who conquers everything from Kona to lupus, to the autistic high school kid that got a chance to suit up and scored 20 points in a basketball game (the reach of youtube)...

These are some of the people that I drawn inspiration from. They have built a cloak of invincibility (not to be confused with invisibility) around me without even knowing it. Couple that with the people I am fortunate to spend real face to face time with...and I'm a pretty lucky girl.

So, when garbage gets me down I find my silver lining. And during this month of thanksgiving, I am thankful for that.

Now...what are YOU thankful for?

For the fiscally prudent...

2011-10-31T09:31:00.004-04:00

So, this blog is likely to get a lot more 'life' related, rather than 'workout' related...stay with me!

Serious question: How much of your net income do you contribute to your savings account each month? Percentage wise, not dollar amount.

(NOT your retirement accounts!)

A mere survey of the masses for curiosity's sake because if my co-worker that tells me 20% is the norm then I am behind the curve...or the gun.

Pssst. I volunteered at the marathon I was registered to run yesterday. Amazing and awesome. If you've never volunteered for a 26.2...what are you waiting for???

Tales of a Neglectful Blogger

2011-10-25T14:46:00.003-04:00

I admit it. I'm neglectful of my blog. Frankly, it's kind of boring me. What do you all want to know about? What a haphazard runner I've been, the latest exploits in parenthood, how I still can't afford to quit my job because I can't/won't give up Starbucks (which is NOT exactly the underlying reasons that I remain employed)?

I could regale you of tales of pregnancy and loss. I could tell you a lot of those stories this year (current count is 3 for the year). There is the story of me trying to lose a few pounds, but am I really committed to this goal? (The answer is a resounding YES by the way)

There are holidays on the horizon and I want to SPEND $$ that I do not have (and some that I do). There are recipes in my purse, complete with ingredient lists so that I am ready to head to the store at any minute and begin my Christmas extravaganza!

I could tell you that I finally bought a pair of jeans that fit...mostly. If they were an inch longer they would be perfect.

I could tell you of the exploits of Aaron Burr and the aftermath of the Washington presidency since that's the book currently sitting on my nightstand.

If I weren't a neglectful blogger I could tell you all of that and so much more. Like how sweet my kid is lately in spite of his 2-yr molars. And how much I love watching the dog sleep next to me. And how proud I am of my husband for doing everything he can to get us headed north.

All of these things I could tell you...and I suppose I just did. ;)

I have a problem

2011-10-02T19:04:00.003-04:00

With commitment.

During marathon training I was doing surprisingly well with training. And then I had a little injury. And then mentally I said 'screw it.' It was the right decision.

Then I made a wrong decision. I just kind of quit. I halfheartedly committed to a FANTASTIC XTERRA series, even signed up for race #1. And then I didn't go for a run. I didn't even go for a walk. I went to a couple (only 2) dance classes. Fortunately, after a week of tonsil nonsense I made another smart decision...I did NOT go and run a 10k in the woods!

So, this mama needs a goal and I need a little help.

Thoughts? Suggestions?

Another Thursday Thirteen!

2011-09-29T14:32:00.003-04:00

Hurray! It's Thursday! Food trucks for lunch!

It's been...a while. Sorry! The running front just hasn't been going well. I had to bag my XTERRA race after suffering through some tonsil thing all week, although I'm not terribly disappointed in how I spent my Saturday. We played at the airport park, which coincidentally we'll be doing it again this Saturday, and then hung out with some BIG dogs.

But let's break things down in numbers, m'kay?!

13 - Food trucks are wonderful, wonderful things. Deliciousness on wheels. If you don't have a food truck nearby be sure to visit one the next time you're in a big city. Your belly will thank you.

12 - GLEE is ridiculous. I'm sorry. I just can't get into it. That main character, Rachel? Can't stand her. I do, however love a good show tune and if this brings a little glitz and glam to the masses...I suppose I can support it. (Just don't make me watch it!)

11 - 'Dance Moms' on the other hand is my guilty TV pleasure. It is a complete reality show train wreck. Those poor kids and their crazy moms make me feel good about myself, but not so much for humanity in general.

10 - The husband will be pleased to read that I have copied down a couple of new recipes to try this weekend. Maple syrup oat scones anyone?

9 - The words 'love you mama' have finally spilled out of Muppet's mouth. OMG, best thing ever.

8 - I just finished Stephen King's "Under the Dome." All 1073 pages. It was delicious literary junk food. I gobbled it up. And now I'll go back to the slightly more intellectual reading of Gore Vidal's "Burr." I am still confident that I'll get through another 10+ books before we ring in 2012.

7 - Counting the minutes until the Michigan State v. Michigan game? Indeed. Though my alma mater will likely need a miracle to win this year it will be awesome to do a little tailgating.

6 - I started volunteering as a dog walker for a local big dog rescue. Poor things are sitting in boarding just hoping for a home. Since I can't adopt them I'll at least show them a little lovin'.

5 - There is a new radio station in town that plays 80s and 90s music. HEAVEN. If Vanilla Ice and Stacy Q can't bring a smile (or at least a good natured groan) then there is no hope for you.

4 - Flu season is upon us...which doesn't seem right when it's 80 degrees outside.

3 - It should not be in the 80s; it's almost OCTOBER. My favorite season is here on the calendar, but not so much on the thermometer.

2 - Red corduroy pants are on the way to my house. Don't judge me. At least I don't own jeggings!

1 - After Thursday comes Friday...and then the weekend! Hope everyone is having fun in blogland!

Hey there friends!

2011-09-19T15:50:00.002-04:00

So...yeah. How are things?...

I'm not running the marathon next month...

In other news...

Wait, what?! I promise I'm not glossing over anything. My little injury was a blip on the radar that could have gone downhill rather quickly. Especially since my heart wasn't in it. I was running away from a bad year. Hoping beyond hope that it would erase past heartache.

But that's not how life works.

Instead, I remembered that I didn't particularly like training for a marathon. This is #3 that I've actually been registered for...and not toed the line.

And for a few weeks, I didn't want that to be my reality. I didn't want to fail in my own eyes for a third time. But a friend reminded me that marathon is a choice.

And I'm choosing to bow out gracefully for now. Maybe someday when I have a solid base and I'm running toward something, I'll cover 26.2.

In the meantime...there are trails in my future. Giddy up!

Thirteen Things

2011-09-08T15:28:00.002-04:00

I'm feeling random and it's Thursday and thirteen starts with a 'th,' so there you go. Plus, I need something to take my mind off of my bum leg (yep, still ouchy).

13 - The Muppet starts every morning with a request for something to drink and to watch 'The Muppet Show.' (like bad parents, we oblige)

12 - There is travel in my future...Go State!

11 - I've been a cooking machine lately; which reminds me, there are brownies at the house. YES!

10 - Every once in a while I love ATL, today is one of those days. It's cool and sunny and perfectly lovely. After 4 straight months in the 90s I was ready to lose my mind...thankful for the break in the weather.

9 - My feet swell a ridiculous amount around 9 miles. Before 9 miles I can wear a size 9.5...after that I'm begging for a size 10. This is problematic...and I know I can't be alone in this...anyone else have stupid swelling feet?

8 - I've read 14 books this year and still have 22 to go to reach my goal of 36 for the year. This goal didn't seem that challenging when I started...I am determined to read at least another 12 before December 31, 2011. Mark my words bookworms.

7 - Lucky #7? I wouldn't mind a new pair of Lucky jeans.

6 - My new coworker told me the other day how nice it was to work with someone that loved their job...I'm not sure how I contained my laughter. I would like to thank my dance teachers and my mom for teaching me how to act. :)

5 - 'Tis the season for babies and I have a couple of blogger buddies that are due in the next weeks and months. So excited to see these ladies become moms!!!!!

4 - Speaking of moms, I need to call mine.

3 - The smile on Muppet's face when I get him out of the car at home...pretty much the best thing ever. Between his happiness and the dog's exuberance at my arrival - I feel like a rockstar.

2 - The husband has been putting up with a lot of my crap the last couple of weeks (and the last decade). He deserves an award. 10 years ago THIS MONTH we met. Love.

1 - One more day, one more dawn, one day more. Go listen to the soundtrack from Les Miserables. Which reminds me, I need to brush up on my french.

Abientot mes amies!

And then she was injured?!...

2011-09-05T21:17:00.002-04:00

Injured? Maybe.

Stupid? Definitely.

Saturday's long run of 16 was a very painful 13.4. It was ALMOST as bad as Steelhead in 2008. If I had biked 56mi Saturday morning it probably would have been much, much worse than '08.

So what went wrong? A lot.

I was dehydrated and poorly fueled in the days leading up to my long run. I'm not the person that can behave the day before and come out on top...I need a good 3 days of thinking like an athlete. (the logical person would ask...why don't you treat yourself like an athlete EVERY DAY?!)

Then I wore the wrong shoes.

And then I threw the run/walk out the window for the first 8 miles and just motored along.

THEN I ignored the pain in my right hip/groin that has been bothering me for a few WEEKS.

And so around mile 8.5 my running buddy and I decided to run/walk and also decided that our previous lack of planning was moronic.

It was too late for me. At mile 11 my pelvic region shut right down. My hip seized and convulsed and I nearly threw up GU. After a mile of walking I convinced my friend to go on without me - mercifully he did.

And so I walked. Hobbled. Cursed. Alone. Nearly 2 miles.

The icing on the cake was the last quarter mile.

I took off my shoes and walked backwards.

So, where do I go from here?

First, assess the physical. Am I injured? Did I really pull my groin? Or aggravate my hip? Yes, but the extent isn't clear. I did an active recovery on Sunday. It didn't help, so Monday and Tuesday will be complete rest days. Fingers and toes crossed that things are just aggravated and I'll be back on my feet shortly.

Second, assess the mental. Last week was not my week for so many reasons. My head and my heart were heavy with reminders that I was pregnant at the end of 2010 and that last week I would have been in labor and delivery. That's all I'll say about that for now even though it is a KEY component.

Third, re-assess both. If I'm injured then it's done, end of the line for this race and I recover and find another one. If I'm not injured I know that I still have some things to think about and acknowledge.

In the meantime - I am super bummed that I didn't get to run in the rain today...I hope someone out there got to enjoy some Fall weather!

Mojo?!

2011-09-01T09:53:00.003-04:00

Alright, which one of you stole my run mojo? I'm bumping along on my long runs and STRUGGLING to get in the base miles in during the week. I mean, seriously! I think about doing 3 miles and it makes me want to bake banana bread...which totally happened last night.

Sonofab....

I don't even have dance mojo...I'm just a complete slacker.

Ready for 5 miles tonight? I better be!

Reasons for Running

2011-08-27T20:43:00.002-04:00

Today's run was dedicated to the memory of one of my teammates' sons. Tomorrow would have been his fourteenth birthday. Instead, tomorrow his mom and brother will be running the Quebec Marathon in his memory, raising money for a kids' help line.

All of my teammates are running for him this weekend. And for his family, who will never understand why he's gone.

So, although today I covered just over 14 miles it was the wings of others that carried me through.

Who carries you?

Bouncing Back

2011-08-23T11:09:00.006-04:00

Last week was a DOWN week...4 runs totaling 15 miles. Yeah, not so impressive for someone training for 26.2. But I am proud of last week. Proud that I did what I was able to do even if for most it wouldn't be considered enough.

I'm proud of my 9 mile long run. Because I did it by myself. Straight running, no run/walk and I felt good. I got through it physically and mentally - passing the test with flying colors. See, I've been using my group runs as a crutch. I'm afraid that I don't have what it takes to get through a long run by myself...but I proved myself wrong for nine solo miles on Sunday - after a TERRIBLE training week. I am winning!

Add to that my fantastic and FAST 4 miler yesterday and I feel tons better about my training.

Do you have down weeks? Days are pretty normal, but the week took me off guard! How do you cope? In the past I've been known to give up when things get tough...but not this time!

Hurray for me.

Patience Grasshopper

2011-08-17T09:05:00.002-04:00

I am not a patient person. I'm crazy! The husband is on a fact finding mission in the Mitten and I am trying (and not succeeding) to keep my cool and not get my hopes up. If it's meant to happen it will...or take the bull by the horns.

*sigh*

I am also not patient about marathon training. There I said it. I'm locked and loaded for a fall marathon. And I'm tweaked.

Well, my hip is. And my big toe. So, my right leg is tweaked from top to bottom. Awesome.

But is it really? Or am I just scared?

This week's long run is an easy 12...our shortest long runs as a group are now 12 from here until race day. The former coach in me (I coached high jump...NOT distance running so what do I really know?) tells me that's not enough of a 'down' week. My gut tells me that I don't have the base to build, build, build and then take an inch back. It tells me to build, build, build, EASY. But is that my gut talking or my brain? When I was lucky enough to be coached by an IM guru we went in cycles...makes sense to me! So that's what I know.

Then again...what do I know?

I know that my shoes need to be replaced and I think that they are too small. I know that the new shoes I just bought aren't quite long run shoes for my 170lb self (shhhh, I'm tall...ish). I know that yesterday's easy 2 mile shakeout felt average. I know that I'm afraid of getting sick and/or injured.

I don't know if I'm just being silly. If it's just that part in the training cycle when the doubts creep in. I don't know if I bit off more than I could chew. I don't know if I'm trying to talk myself out of something that is WITHIN MY REACH.

But I do know that tonight I'll get to hear my husband over analyze every minute of his conversations today and then I'll hop on the treadmill and go for a run.

Smattering of Saturdays

2011-08-13T21:22:00.002-04:00

13.4mi in beautiful weather
Wish I had a doughnut
Couldn't get enough fluids the rest of the day
Muppet wakes up and asks to watch The Muppets
It's really very cute
5min/1min run/walks may be killing me slowly
I'm afraid to run long by myself
The husband makes the best homemade pizza
Homemade pizza must have goat cheese on it
Ice baths
Compression tights
Compression socks
Epsom salts
Angry right hip flexor
Epsom salt bath...maybe
Coffee is magical
Reese's PB cups are magical
Touring pretty neighborhoods is what we do
Some people spend a ridiculous amount of time and money on their lawns
Time to sleep
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Tired Legs

2011-08-06T20:50:00.002-04:00

Dear Tired Legs,

I am thankful that you held up for 12 miles today. I am grateful that this was even an option. I'm sorry that I didn't ice you the second I got back to the house. I promise to ice you now with a side of ibuprofen. Knees, I need you to pay attention to my quads - they are fabulous. I need you to be fabulous too. That dish of ibuprofen is for you, knees. Drink it up.

I promise to look into a new pair of shoes - tomorrow. Because the drenching sweat that made my shoes squish...well, pruny feet I'm sorry about that. I had no idea that 7 miles in is when the squishing apparently begins. It's not good for you. While I'm making promises, I promise to make better sock decisions on long run days.

Legs - I'm proud of you. You done good.

A LOT

2011-08-01T20:32:00.003-04:00

Sometimes life throws you a couple of twists and turns...other times it throws you an entire highway and no power steering. Lots going on at the moment, so for the next couple of days I'm just going to breathe. In and out.

Go for a run, take a dance class, clean my closet. Breathe in and out.

Back in a jiffy!

Redemption...kind of...

2011-07-30T19:15:00.002-04:00

The low down on this morning's 10 miles.

I was almost 5 minutes faster since I ran with the boys.

Miles 7-9 SUCKED since I had run the first 7 too fast. So much for being smart....

No chills! Victory!

Gatorade overdose...no bueno.

84% humidity is like running in soup.

Shade trees in the South - woohoo!

Puddle of sweat.

Squishy shoes as a result of dumping water on my head.

No blisters!

20 miles for the week - HELL YEAH!

Next week's long run will likely be longer. Be smart or I'll be in deep...

Dirty Dozen

2011-07-29T08:40:00.004-04:00

Friday's dirty dozen randoms.

1-It's hot. Good lord is it hot. Yesterday's run felt like I was running in through a furnace.

2-Tuesday I saved a kid...well, sort of. I pulled a toddler out of the street. It was strange. After almost 20 minutes of me talking to neighbors, calling the police and yelling into the house for mom the kid's sister walked out and brought him inside. I honestly don't think a parent or responsible adult was home. As a mom this pisses me off.

3-Pay day arrived so I can dance again. Once a week isn't going to cut it.

4-Muppet man now tells us to 'walk away' when he doesn't want us interfering...it's actually rather funny. It's like the toddler version of 'talk to the hand.'

5-I just ate a doughnut and now I regret it.

6-There is a reason that the scale is not budging...see #5 for explanation.

7-Tomorrow is another 10 mile run. I'm determined to have a better run, throw time out the window and just go for even effort and no chills by the end of the run.

8-Pretty sure I was borderline heatstroke thanks to yesterday's run. I envisioned myself running the marathon at IMKY...perhaps I should have pictured myself running in Alaska.

9-I've been drinking too much coffee lately. Jumpy jack rabbit.

10-Someone should have reminded me to shave my armpits this morning...I'm wearing a sleeveless top. Classy, no?!

11-My 2nd pair of shoes in rotation are dead. I'm down to one pair. This is very bad news.

12-Too bad slow, non-photogenic girls never get sponsors...I would be a hot commodity if they did.

Enjoy your Friday peeps!

A very long 10

2011-07-24T20:36:00.007-04:00

Well...we're up to double digits!!! Saturday's long run was 10 miles. 1. 0. It's been a long time since I've hit double digits. Since February 2008 as a matter of fact. So yeah, everything from here on out is a post-partum distance PR.

Some may not understand why I get so excited about pp-PR (distances AND times), but let's face it - having a kid can wreck your body for a while and for a little while every workout is a victory. So quickly and quietly my pp-PRs are becoming overall PRs (in terms of time) and THAT is pretty cool. I am starting to see results on the clock. The scale...not so much.

The group's 10 mile run started at 7:30am with 77 degree temps and 84% humidity. A normal morning in Hotlanta...that really is starting to feel pretty normal. I've been struggling with going slow enough. Yeah, I need to slow down on my long runs. And this long run was no different. I started out with my first mile at roughly 10:45...not exactly fast, but a lot faster than I was "supposed to" be running! I had to be really aware of reining it in for the next few miles and settled in to a comfortable pace. The route was hilly, just like normal - there really aren't any flat areas around here so the run had a lot of ebb and flow.

I ran with about 4 other people for a good chunk of the run and was thankful when one of them announced the 5 mile mark so that I could take my GU (mmmmm, espresso love - which I actually said out loud at the same time that a nice black guy cheered for our group...awkward!). At that point I was closer to my goal for the workout (57:34 - just under 11:30 pace).

Things started to fall apart around 8.5 miles. The heat started to get to me and I wished that I had a bit more fluid. We also had to do a couple of short, steep uphills near the end that I ended up walking. My groin has been a little tweaked this week after my 8x400 workout on Tuesday and it started to act up a bit so looking back I'm not upset that I walked. No shame in taking inventory and adjusting! Of course if it had been earlier in the run I probably would have been stupid and pushed through.

All in all I'm a tad disappointed that I didn't pace well even though I finished with a good overall pace (11:49 - 1:58:12 for 10mi).

Double digits in the books, lessons learned and confidence built...WIN!

Weekly Recap - noticing a trend

2011-07-16T21:44:00.002-04:00

Week 10...I think?

Sunday - Driving in the car...
Monday - Even more driving in the car...
Tuesday - 4mi on the treadmill (46:57 - why am I always SO SLOW on the treadmill??)
Wednesday - 90min contemporary class (first dance class in 2 weeks...ow, ow, OW but yay)
Thursday - 5mi outside (56:33 - easy effort, felt great)
Friday - nothing
Saturday - 8mi in 1:25:59 (included a 4 mile organized race at HM pace...maybe? 10:20)

Here is what I'm noticing so far in my training. I haven't trained for an endurance event in 3 years and in some respects it is completely obvious (can you safe chaffing?!), but in other areas I've remembered past years and actually PAID ATTENTION and made necessary changes. For example, nutrition. I still occasionally slip up on hydration during the day, but this week I have been religious about consuming enough water and eating enough salt. It seems to be working so far!

On my long runs I've been carrying my fuel belt (which I still hate BTW) and drinking every mile or every 10-11 minutes. Today I drank exclusively Gatorade. It works for me and why fix what isn't broken? I also take a GU before my long run and then today I took one after 3 miles. I'm thinking that I'll end up taking one before and then every 5 miles if I continue on pace...salt tabs are the next experiment since it will be HOT and HUMID for at least another 6-8 weeks.

Another thing that I've learned is that my runs are better when I'm dancing. Those two weeks away from the studio were torture on my hamstrings. Without that good muscle fatiguing stretch my flexibility is gone. So to be a better runner I need to be a regular dancer...gee darn. ;)

And so it goes - somewhere along the line I started getting smarter. Must be motherhood!

Glory be to the 5k!

2011-07-11T20:21:00.003-04:00

Back from vacation and so much to say. I'm 2 weeks behind in workout recaps, but MOST of my workouts got done...minus 1 long run that shouldn't have even been started. After driving all day without drinking more than a glass of water I tried to go for a run first thing in the morning. My scheduled 7 was a wimpy 2.7 where I was left begging for mercy. But on to the GOOD runs from vacation land.

First up - the 5k on the Fourth!

I ran this inaugural race in 2009 when I was about 20 weeks pregnant. I finished 3rd out of 3 in my age group in 41:xx. It was not exactly a pretty race, but the hardware wasn't completely empty - I was pregnant! I deserved a medal just because.

But THIS year...this year I had a plan. A tentative, we'll see what the competition brings plan. The BIG part of the plan was a post-partum PR. I ran a 30:17 shortly about 5 months after the Muppet was born and hadn't really run one since. So, it was time to go after that goal.

The second goal based on last year's results was to win my age group. (Last year's 30-34 age group produced a 30:18.)

Went to the race with my brother-in-law and the rest of the family joined us right before race time (7pm, not your usual race start time). The weather was great, but I noticed that my mouth felt a little dry. A glimpse into the next 3.1 miles.

Off we went with the sound of an air horn and I quickly moved around some people that I had no business starting behind. There were a ton of under-14 in this race and I found myself hunting down a bunch of kids for the whole race.

The first mile I went out fast (8:58) and although it felt like I was eating cotton balls I told myself to hang on. HOLD ON! For the love of all things running - HOLD ON!

About half way I passed by the family and asked for Muppet's sippy cup...I was getting desperate. Sadly, the cup was in the car. Dying of thirst.

Woohoo! Aid station! Who walks through an aid station during a 5k? Oh, that would be me. Sweet, delicious, wet cup of water.

Mile 2...18:08. In the moment, I was annoyed that I ran a 9:10 for my second mile. Now that I think about it - yay me! I ran a 9:10 AND walked for 30 seconds through an aid station! Seriously, who walks through an aid station in a 5k? Still me.

The last mile is long. Okay, not really. It just feels long - always. This race was no different. Not only was it the last mile, but it was almost a straight shot to the finish line so it felt EXTRA long. Fortunately, I had been trying in vain to chase down an older guy all dressed in black. Hey look it's Johnny Cash!

The dude in black noticed me and decided we were going to work together. Really, he pulled me along and I tried to latch on. Lots of words of encouragement from him which I definitely needed an appreciated. He pushed me all the way to the finish line where I saw that I was just 8 seconds short of an all-time PR.

Did you hear that?

ALL-TIME PR.

Post-partum PR was smashed by a couple of minutes and I was 8 seconds from my lifetime 5k best.

27:57

And I won my age group.

Checkmate.

Age Groups

2011-06-28T20:24:00.003-04:00

It turns out at the age of 30 you're considered MASTERS for USATF.

Interesting.

(obviously this is not me, though at the moment that may closely resemble my jumping abilities...)

face palm

2011-06-28T17:30:00.000-04:00

There has been a lot of *face palm*ing going on around my office lately.

Exhibit A

It's no secret how I feel about the skill levels required to do my job (trained monkey...) but lately the amount of ridiculous around here is wearing on me. So much so that I find myself burying myself in terrible food choices.

Exhibit B

Adding sugar adds pounds which only exacerbates my frustration. So a plan is forming (Husband, are you paying attention?): When mint.com tells me I can quit my notice will be written in BOLD.

And then I'll just play in the yard with Muppet and the dog all day...right? Peace, harmony and love, right? *facepalm*

Weekly Recap #??? and Lessons Learned

2011-06-26T21:05:00.004-04:00

I'm losing track and I'm too lazy to scroll down...nice.

Sunday - Rest
Monday - 4.4mi (43:30)
Tuesday - 60min dance (contemporary)
Wednesday - 60min dance (ballet)
Thursday - 60min dance (technique)
Friday - REST
Saturday - 7mi (1:15:40)

I went out on a limb and did something rather stupid this week by shifting my run, dancing 3x and thus skipping a run. I was feeling pudgy and nothing makes me feel skinnier then pirouettes and leaps. Call me crazy, but it's nice to feel light on your feet once in a while! Of course after 3 days of ballet intensive my calves were PISSED! So I opted out of my normal Thursday run and spent much of Friday evening in compression socks preparing for Saturday's group run.

A note about the group runs...I really enjoy the accountability, although 99% of the people there wouldn't notice if I didn't show up. There are nearly 100 people that are doing these Saturday runs and really one person would notice my absence. That said - they are good for me even though I think I'm still ahead of pace. These runs should be slow, 'run this pace forever' pace and I don't think they are. I never go all out and never push, in fact I've been really careful to stay relaxed and keep my pacing even...but am I really capable of maintaining a 10:45 pace as the distance grows?

One thing that kind of (okay, REALLY) grates on me is that the coach never has us run the actual distance that she says we're running. The last couple of weeks we were told we were running 6 when actually it was 5.8-5.9. This week called for 7.5...it was actually 7 miles. I'm anal. I want to know my pace and that's hard to do when the distance is hit or miss! I don't run with a garmin so I have to rely on others to keep track of distance - which thankfully they do, but I hate ending a run and wandering around asking people how far we really went.

But no aches and pains after the long run which I consider a major victory. MAJOR.

This week I'll remember to keep my wits about me and do all 3 runs on their scheduled days.

Party on peeps!

Beware IM fever

2011-06-24T10:08:00.003-04:00

I haven't done a triathlon in 3 years. THREE! I swam last week for the first time in 19 months. The last time I rode my bike outside was in 2008. AND I sold my wetsuit not so long ago.

So it makes perfect sense that I currently have a serious case of IM fever...

I haven't spent this much time reading race reports and looking up races in a very long time and I think it may be somewhat unhealthy.

The logical me says - go out and do a sprint (with a tad more swim/bike training under the ol' race belt). Have a little fun.

The spastic emotional me says - WHICH IM DO I PICK?

The financially strapped for cash me says - STFU.

Fortunately for all of the me's involved logical and financially strapped are winning.

So, why the fever? Well, lots and LOTS of people that I adore and admire are signing up to go long. People that I always imagined I would experience my first with. I am so beyond excited for them (seriously, I'm tearing up just thinking about Ron in Idaho right now!). And with the price of IM rising by the minute ($650 for IMoo - which has been and still is the long term bucket goal) it's hard not to think how much further out of my price range is this going to get? Plus, I'm starting to enjoy running again and we all know the kind of trouble you can get into with a running high!

But I'm not ready to sign up. Mentally, physically, financially. IM training is a HUGE commitment of time and effort. Plus there is that whole 'we want another kid sooner rather than later' thing. Be SMART woman!

What do I do to squelch the fever? Focus on the 'A' race of 2011. The race I've eluded to but haven't come right out and discussed yet. Why not? Fear of failure, fear that I'll get eaten alive by the training...

Give me until the end of July, a few more longer runs in the skirt and I'll start talking.

Run passionately friends...and for the love of God don't sign up for IM 2012!

Some Thoughts

2011-06-21T08:53:00.004-04:00

Just a smattering of nonsense because that's how I roll...

1 - Those 400m repeats...yeah, they were hard but they were consistent...so maybe I have a little speed in my somewhere.

2 - Never, ever talk smack to your dance instructor (trainer, massage therapist, etc). Ever.

3 - Speaking of dance I went to a couple of new classes and OMG ow. There is something to be said for muscle confusion.

4 - Holy crap I am tired.

5 - Vacation starts JULY 1!!!

6 - I have a feeling vacation is going to be too short.

7 - I realized yesterday that I haven't raced since the first weekend in December.

8 - I haven't raced on the ROAD since last July.

9 - This makes me nervous, super duper nervous.

10 - Oh hey, did I mention I'm running a 5k on the 4th? Yeah, racing. Me. Eep!

11 - This week's long run increases in distance. Provided I survive it will be my longest run since February 2009.

12 - Muppet has a ridiculous vocabulary. Naturally I think my son is a genius, but I may be a bit bias. But really, octagon? Thank you Jack Black and Elmo.

13 - I've been giving a local running store a bad rap lately...I apologize for the generalization that every person there is STOOPID. Thank you for treating me like an athlete yesterday.

And so, the ramble ends...because the coffee hasn't really kicked in yet and this post is boring me to tears.

Week 6 - 400m repeats hurt...

2011-06-18T18:53:00.003-04:00

I decided to toss in a bit of speedwork this week...OW! Not to mention it I stayed true to form and went too fast. Let's just say I PAID for it the rest of the week.

Sunday - Rest
Monday - 500m swim (14:07)/60min contemporary class
Tuesday - 3.75mi (4x400m - 1:55, 1:56, 1:56, 1:54) too fast...WAY TOO FAST
Wednesday - 90min contemporary class
Thursday - 1.5mi on the treadmill testing out the new shoes (16:25)
Friday - Rest
Saturday - 5.9mi (1:02:17), same route as last week 15 second improvement thanks to a conservative start.

Lots to say about this week, but it will have to wait. The cat is demanding food.

Letters to Muppet

2011-06-15T22:45:00.003-04:00

I wrote a letter to the Muppet the day before I was induced and gave birth to his big bad self. In it I shared my hopes and dreams for him and made him a promise that his dad and I would do the best we could. I asked him to cut us a break since this whole parenting thing is new to us. When his first birthday came around I sat down and wrote another letter. I've been remiss with keeping up a baby book, so in the birthday letter I told him about some of the things that he had done in his first year.

Today, I sat down and wrote him another letter. A 'just because' letter. It was similar to the others, telling him that I hope that he lives a full life, one without a lot of regrets. A life full of family and laughter. I reminded him that it isn't always about money.

I wrote the letter to him, but it was very much for me.

It's easier to want for someone else than to make things happen for yourself, but we only get one shot.

Dear Pool

2011-06-13T13:37:00.003-04:00

Dear Pool,

It has been over 19 months since our last meeting. You provided a nice respite for my giant pregnant belly. I neglected you post partum. Not because I didn't appreciate you, but because we were never really that close to begin with. You were and still are a necessary evil in the sport of triathlon. And I fear you.

It's true. You are scary. You are deep and vast (50m to be exact). Olympians have graced your presence along with terrifyingly fit gray hairs. Thankfully, the noodles have been banned from your domain. You are, after all, the competition pool. Which makes you even scarier.

So today, I have no idea what prompted me to pack my swim bag but I did it. And you allowed me 500m without dying. Others may say 'give it time,' but I've given it 19 months. It's time to jump in the deep end. Please be nice to me.

Sincerely,
The Water Wuss

Week FIVE

2011-06-12T20:50:00.002-04:00

Boring weekly workout recap since I'm short on time.

Week FIVE:

Sunday - rest
Monday - 60min yoga/pilates and 15min BIKE (wth?)
Tuesday - 4mi (39:47 - hurray!)
Wednesday - 60min dance
Thursday - 4mi (43:14 followed the plan of easy)
Friday - REST
Saturday - 6mi (1:02:17, may have been a smidge short but I'm going with it!)

14 miles of running for the week. Feeling like a runner again - FOR REAL. And the best part is that I'm enjoying myself!

Vacation Ahead!

2011-06-09T09:31:00.003-04:00

22 days until we make the trek north! Not that I'm counting...

We're still in the 90s here, I think today is the 12th day in a row? And on the radio this morning I heard higher than normal temps until August. Bonus.

Boooooo

In other news, the husband has mono.

Dude, I'm in training. TRAINING! I refuse to get sick.

The end.

Summer Runnin' and Week 4 recap

2011-06-04T20:46:00.003-04:00

This is my second summer as a southerner and my first as a real southern runner. Last year my goals were haphazard and as far as road races were concerned I did a 5k in April (not exactly summer) and then the famed Peachtree Road Race on July 4th. Both of those races were done on limited training because it's HOT here...and I liked to use the heat and humidity...and the hills as excuses.

A lot.

And then I said - screw this, I'm not running down here. Except for 3 trail races in the fall...

But, but, but.

So even though I gave up running as part of my identity it never really went away. It was just on the back burner. And it needed to be there for a while. I need balance in my life, particularly in my workouts. Otherwise disaster strikes.

And so for the last FOUR weeks I've danced 2x/week and headed out on a run 3-4x/week.

And every day last week was in the 90s. And every day this coming week is forecasted for 90s.

Hot damn it's HOT here.

The question is this: How do I get through this summer without suffering heat stroke?

I have hydration belts, a camelback, I eat a ton of salt after runs...but I think an experiment plan. S!caps? Nuun? What to do, what to do. There are so many products out there to try, where do I start?

On another note it's been so freaking long since I've actually trained for something that I feel like a complete newbie. Seriously. Good thing I'm starting out 'just' running - can you imagine the disaster of me at a triathlon? I would probably put my helmet on backwards.

Le sigh.

And here is Week 4 by the numbers:

Sunday - REST
Monday - 2mi (21:41)
Tuesday - 3mi (31:23)
Wednesday - 90min dance
Thursday - 3.5mi (38:47-treadmill)
Friday - REST
Saturday - 5mi (56:41)/same course as last week

I'm into the double digits for weekly mileage! Notice anything missing from week 4? Pilates. Big mistake leaving this out - my core needs all the help it can get!

Sweat it out!

Well rounded

2011-06-03T09:24:00.003-04:00

What does it say about me that I did NOT participate in National Running Day (it was a REST day people), but I DID participate in National Doughnut Day?

It means I'm well rounded!

(I had the strawberries and cream one on the right! - see, healthy!)

7 day forecast

2011-06-01T09:15:00.002-04:00

ACK!

Week 3 Recap

2011-05-28T17:27:00.002-04:00

Just a quick number drop so I don't forget (I really should log my miles somewhere...):

Sunday - Rest/pilates
Monday - 60min dance
Tuesday - 2.25mi (23:40)/pilate
Wednesday - 60min dance
Thursday - 2.6mi (28:11), treadmill
Friday - REST
Saturday - 5mi...I think? (56:56)

And suddenly...I'm part runner again. :)

Atta Girl!

2011-05-26T11:27:00.003-04:00

Sometimes when the monkeys are flinging shit from every direction and you don't think you can take anymore someone unexpectedly gives you a window of reprieve.

We all need a few 'atta girls (or boys) in our lives and I am so thankful to have received this one in my inbox this morning.

"You've done something pretty special with this thing, though, and while we can always learn and improve, I think that its inaugural year is a success in its own right. Awesome job."

It's nice to cry a few tears of joy once in a while.

Ramblings and Realizations

2011-05-25T11:56:00.003-04:00

First, let's get a little random - BEFORE I get all serious and introspective.

1 - Running is becoming a safe haven again...and I love that (but shhhh, I don't want to jinx myself!)

2 - Someone made me sign up for a race. Okay, no one forced me to type in my credit card number, but it happened. I have the confirmation email from Active.com.

3 - I really don't like Active.com, $8 processing fee on top of a $130 entry fee. Get bent.

4 - Since I've decided to be a runner again I need to start dressing like one...please send $$ for some new running clothes so that I do not have to run my race naked.

5 - Thank God for Body Glide.

6 - Overshare? Sorry.

7 - Vacation starts in 37 days! Lake Michigan and I have a date.

8 - I kind of miss triathlons. A lot. But I sold my wetsuit and the water in Georgia is gross and triathlons are expensive...and so really what I am saying is that I miss triathlons in the midwest.

9 - Damn, I am such a Northerner.

10 - Driving home yesterday after a run I saw a guy running and thought 'who the eff runs in 90 weather outside in ATL?' And then, wiping the sweat off of my own face I smiled and was reminded that I do that now. And that's kind of badass.

And now for the realizations. My favorite 7th grade girl cross country runners from my first team graduated from college last weekend. Their smiles are full of excitement for the future. These girls (at 12!) inspired me and seeing them in their COLLEGE caps and gowns reminded me that I was good at dealing with students, particularly student atheletes. Seeing my girls (by the power of Facebook) gave me a pretty powerful reminder of where it is I'm supposed to be - the path I need to at least try.

Go with your passion friends - you owe it to yourself

Week 2 - this may be habit forming

2011-05-21T21:09:00.003-04:00

Imagine my surprise when I worked out for a SECOND week in a row. I understand if you need to sit down and catch your breath...I am still in disbelief.

A recap in numbers:

Sunday - 1.3mi (12:07 - is that a whiff of speed I'm smelling?)/6 step pilates
Monday - 60min dance
Tuesday - 2mi (20:59 - on the track)/7 step pilates
Wednesday - 1.6mi (17:40 - rough day, but I still got out there for a little bit)
Thursday - 60min dance (technique class...ow, ow, ow)
Friday - REST
Saturday - 3.25mi (34:20)

Nothing ever felt hard (okay, that Sunday run was a bit of a lung buster, but I still think I could have eeked out another quarter mile at that pace) and my long run for the week was really evenly paced which makes me SO happy.

'Experts' say it takes 21 days to form a habit...we're in dangerous territory!

It takes guts

2011-05-18T08:49:00.004-04:00

To put yourself in the proverbial line of fire takes guts. A little arrogance and a helluva lots of passion. Because if your passion wanes the shots in your direction can make not only damage your thick skin, but make you waive your white flag.

WHAT?!

Yeah, I'm beyond irritated with lip service and naysayers. BEYOND.

I was not popular in high school. People thought I was stuck up. I was. I was also very lonely and terrified of people. And failure. I avoided most school sports because the other girls on the team intimidated me and verbally attacked me for a litany of excuses, some valid some completely contrived.

I couldn't wait to graduate and leave behind my small town. Except once I did exactly that I was still lonely and terrified of failure...

BUT and this really is a HUGE BUT. I had some exceptional teachers. My band teacher - amazing. He made our band some of the best sightreading high school kids in the region. Our French teacher took us to Paris our senior year which was a big deal especially since most of my classmates had never been on a domestic plane, let alone a trip across the ocean. My school has graduated Olympic hopefuls and physicians. My small hometown of 1000 people produced a culturally diverse group of people that I can now say that I am proud to be a part of.

And yet, some of those same people still get to me.

After years of doubting myself, doubting that I could pull together enough support to start an alumni scholarship I FINALLY GOT OVER MYSELF and gave it a shot. And it's really happening.

Some alumni jumped on the bandwagon and though we're small in numbers we're closing in on our goal of $1000. And that makes me proud. So proud. Until someone makes a comment that their high school education/memories isn't worth $20. And that stings. It eats at my core because I remember hating my school, my education, my classmates, my town on any given day. But I also remember the good. The really good. My aptitude for languages and music flourished in that building. My love of track and field was nurtured on that track.

I guess what I'm saying is this...Education costs a lot of money. Small town students have a steep climb to get a college degree. And if there is something that I can do to make it a little easier on someone from my hometown I'm going to do it. Not because I have money coming out of my ears, but because I believe in public schools and I believe in small town dreams.

A Week of ... WORKOUTS!

2011-05-16T10:20:00.002-04:00

Stop the presses - I actually worked out...ALL WEEK! The workouts were all small and manageable because I may have learned a lesson somewhere along the line that said start slowly...

Here is the breakdown of the last week in workouts:

Sunday: 1.6mi (16:11)
Monday: 60min dance
Tuesday: 2.0mi (22:35)/6 step pilates
Wednesday: 60 min dance
Thursday: 1.6mi (16:28)/6 step pilates
Friday: REST
Saturday: 2.6mi (28:33)/6 step pilates
Total Miles: 7.8

HURRAY for ME!

The little pilates workout is from an old SHAPE magazine and it's only 6 exercises so it takes very little time. I figure doing that consistently for a couple of weeks is a good start and then I'll start adding on. The total mileage is up 2 miles from last week and I only increased my 'long' run by 0.6 miles...yeah, my long run is currently 2.6mi. We all start somewhere and starting over is still a start.

Thank you all for your love and support regarding my losses and this bumpy start to 2011 - I really appreciate it!

Save the World/Save Yourself

2011-05-12T08:25:00.000-04:00

I've been having a 'save the world' kind of week...or two. I feel the need to fix things. Lots of things. Big things. Our fledgling scholarship project is off the ground, but faltering and I had to restrain myself for writing a check that would hurt our finances and stick with the plan. After all, it's a community project not just MY project. And then there is the child of a friend who has a terminal diagnosis. The story makes me so sad and the feelings of helpless set in.

But I know the root of the savior complex.

Two tiny people that never got to be people. My people.

If I save someone else that might fill the gap...but I'm the one that needs a little saving.

It follows the logic of the only person you can change is yourself. Truth, my friends.

So, that's what I'm focusing on. Saving me. Not in some overly spiritual born again way, but in the Jon Blais kind of way. This quote is on the side bar of my blog. It's on my computer monitor at work. Sometimes, I think it needs to be tattooed to my arm where I can't escape it.

"Understand that this is not a dress rehearsal. This is it...your life. Face your fears and live your dreams. Take it all in." - Jon Blais.

To that end I'm working on going forward, literally and figuratively.

And it feels good.

For a Friend

2011-05-09T10:21:00.005-04:00

There is always someone facing something more difficult than what you are.

This family is wonderful and joyous and they are up against a mighty giant.

Thinking of you, Wallers.

www.friendsofcharlie.com

Retail Therapy Gone Awry

2011-05-06T08:10:00.002-04:00

We all have our coping mechanisms. I have resorted to a few of my own over the last week. Actually several.

On Monday after we got the bad news at the doctor's office I went home for the day and went for a run. Not far, but I made it hurt a little bit.

Wednesday after spending much of the morning at the hospital I had a lunch request. Dan Dan noodles from PF Chang's. It had been at least a year since I indulged in those darn noodles - and they were DELICIOUS.

Thursday...I really wanted to go for a run. I mean REALLY wanted to, but I followed doctor's orders to take it easy for the day...and went shopping instead.

Picture it: slightly depressed 30 something armed with $100 in lululemon gift cards standing in the middle of a VERY nice lululemon store. DANGER WILL ROBINSON!

Sadly, since miscarriage #1 I haven't really been taking very good care of myself. I have not been treating my body as a temple. This was obvious with every piece of clothing that I tried on. Things fit, but looked terrible. AWFUL. Part of it was truth and part of it was consequence thanks to my mood. Either way I walked out with a pair of shorts and a headband. A headband. Seriously?

My triumphant return has to start somewhere...and I guess a headband is a start.

Heartbroken

2011-05-02T15:07:00.002-04:00

Today was supposed to be a good day. A really good day.

Today I was supposed to hear the heartbeat of a little budding baby.

Today my heart broke into a million pieces.

One failed pregnancy was tough.

But a second only 5 months later?

Today has been awful.

Wednesday will be worse and I'm trying very hard to prepare myself for it.

Hug your loved ones tight my friends.

Two Weeks??

2011-04-26T10:45:00.002-04:00

I was going to write this nice long post catching up on the last couple of weeks, but then I started writing about how I had strep throat last week...and that was boring.

Dude.

Confessions and a stall

2011-04-12T09:01:00.002-04:00

I haven't done a triathlon since 2008. My last full s/b/r was Firecracker in St. Joe's back in early July 2008 followed by an aquabike at Racine and what ended up being a du at Steelhead. My bike hasn't been ridden since 2008. Sure, I got pregnant in 2009 and spent the year large and in charge. I even did some races in 2010...or the trail run variety and I had fun. For the most part.

My fun was and still is at dance class. 2-4x a week you will find me in the studio.

But a funny thing happened the other day. I was dusting off my wetsuit since I found someone that wants to buy it. And I got a little nostalgic. Actually, more than a little nostalgic. I may have shed a tear. It felt like I was closing the book on someone I 'used to be.'

I confess, I need to sign up for races in order to train. I don't enjoy training just to train. I prefer carrots dangling in front of my face. Race atmospheres, though crap inducing, are fantastic. They are also expensive and for that and some other reasons 2011 will not be the year of triathlon. It may not even be the year of trail runs. And this makes me more than a little bluesy.

BUT it is also making me want to adapt to that lifestyle again.

Anyone want to meet me at the pool?

Fatigue

2011-04-08T10:03:00.002-04:00

Fatigue, not just 'hey I could use some extra sleep' fatigue. The kind that makes your hair ache for rest. Where your arms and legs feel like dead weight and you're lucky that your chair has a back and armrests because you're afraid you might end up on the floor.

How do you solve that fatigue? Well, if you know the underlying cause at least you can arm yourself with a plan. My plan is to get more iron and get my butt moving. if I'm going to be tired it should be for a good reason!

Run, skip or hike your fatigue away...or have a snack. :)

Rest In Peace

2011-04-04T08:57:00.002-04:00

Yesterday one of my aunts passed away after a painful battle with cancer. She was one of the most genuine people I have ever known. Today's post is for her. Rest in peace, Aunt Christine.

~Hosea~

Come back to me with all your heart,
don't let fear keep us apart.
Trees do bend, tho' straight and tall;
so must we to others' call.

Long have I waited for your coming
home to me and living deeply our new life.

The wilderness will lead you
to your heart where I will speak.
Integrity and justice
with tenderness you shall know.

Long have I waited for your coming
home to me and living deeply our new life.

You shall sleep secure with peace;
faithfulness will be your joy.

Long have I waited for your coming
home to me and living deeply our new life.

30 Days of Goals

2011-04-01T08:34:00.003-04:00

Welcome to April! There is something refreshing about this short spring month. It's a bit like a revival of January resolutions with better weather. Of course today in 'Hotlanta' it is 41F...dear spring, come back.

So, this month I'm going to list 30 different goals with end dates (or approximate end dates as you'll see). Some are small goals, like drinking more water. Others will take a bit more time and effort, like becoming fluent in Italian. Let's get down to business and start the list, shall we?!

GOALS
1-4 books finished in April (by midnight 4/30)
2-40oz of water today
3-30min of movement for 30 days
4-$400 for groceries this month (our grocery bill is usually WAY higher...)
5-Fluent in Italian by the next trip to Italy (which I wish was this year, but will probably be more like 2013)
6-4 weeks of Wed/Sun dance classes (in other words, get over this latest bout of self conscious behavior and just GO)
7-Try a new recipe every week this month.

First installment, ready - GO!

Random x 10

2011-03-27T11:12:00.002-04:00

1-31 feels a lot like 30...which felt pretty darn good. :)

2-My mother in law and my mom out did themselves this year with the birthday loot. I managed to do serious damage at the mall without damaging my own wallet. Major score.

3-I've run once this month. Fail.

4-Somewhere in my body there is an urge to swim, perhaps I should give in to this urge before someone tosses me the lake and I realize I have forgotten how to swim.

5-The Dogwood trees are blooming - hurray!!

6-Pollen season makes me cough - boo!!

7-Consuming copious amounts of cinnamon rolls is not good for the saddlebag reduction.

8-My dog is the cutest dog ever. Period.

9-I am behind in my 2011 book challenge, but I vow to have the 2 books currently in progress finished my March 31st.

10-Elmo is beginning to drive me a little bit crazy.

Take care of yourself and each other today peeps. :)

Following a Dream

2011-03-18T10:25:00.002-04:00

I have many bright spots in my life (more when I stare at the sun, but that's a whole other issue). My husband, my son, my friends and family, dance, all the normal things that I try very hard not to take for granted. Particularly when I know that people close to me are struggling. I have an aunt that is dying and will probably pass away before her only daughter walks down the aisle this summer. I have another aunt and uncle that are both suffering with illnesses that cannot be cured. They are living out their days together though I suspect that their quality of life is poor to say the least.

All of this has made me more reflective lately. I apologize more for my crankiness. I hug more to show my boys the importance of physical closeness. I cry more often at the simple beauty of things. And I write more.

One of the brightest spots in my life involves a scholarship program that I have initiated. It is in its fledgling year and the whole process is overwhelming and exciting. Soliciting donations has proven difficult and it is disheartening to talk to people that do not support a student's desire to go to college. I know that college isn't for everyone - I get that and I think trade/vocational schools are incredibly important. I also think it's important to support students from my home town that want to pursue other things. A student that wants to get an accounting degree or go to veterinary school and open a clinic in a community that lacks one.

Earlier this week I received the applications for the students that applied for the scholarship. I laughed and cried for these kids. And I believe in every single one of them. At one point I turned to my husband and said 'I wish I could give all of them the scholarship.' And I mean it.

9 years removed from my college education I still have student loan payments. I know how much it costs to go to the schools that these students have been accepted to. Reading their applications made me wish for a miracle, but instead I'll pull out my small contribution and put it in the larger pot. I'll send the applications out to the committee members and let them decide who gets the award. And I look forward to telling the winner that they are getting some help to follow their dream, little do they know that they are helping me follow my own.

Dear Extra 15lbs

2011-03-15T08:41:00.004-04:00

For the record this is not my waist...though I could probably gather quite the flab of pudge...

Dear Extra 15lbs,

I am impressed with your staying power. Normally, a commitment with such intensity and longevity would be commendable. If you were a friend I would hold you in high regard. Perhaps, I would thank you for standing by me during difficult times.

Alas, you are a pain in the ass. From my waist to my saddlebags, I loathe you. I mean really hate you. You are weighing me down, literally and figuratively.

I have nurtured you with oreos, brownies, graham crackers dipped in nutella (SO GOOD, btw). I have fed you with stick after stick of butter. In the past, I lubed you up with a good sized mocha and although that tasty habit is mildly in check I have supplemented my diet with other things to keep you fat and happy.

But I am not happy with fat. I am SO over fat.

8lbs that hung on after pregnancy. I'm over you too.

The additional 7 or so lbs that I need to shave off of my expanding ass. I am WAY over you.

When I tell myself - this is the day, the moment that I commit to better eating - I am mocked by my love handles and I run out for a candy bar. For shame.

Well, Extra 15 I really have had enough of you. You are starting to make me feel self conscience in arenas that have given me great confidence in the last year. You have made me tug at my shirt in the middle of a dance class to cover my belly that keeps peaking out. The leggings that I love so much reveal every bit of lumpiness. Surrounded by mirrors I cannot escape your stares.

I will not let you take away my joy. I will beat you down. The time is right now. My gift to you is exile.

15lbs, take a hike.

Sincerely,

A fitter version of me

Timing is everything

2011-03-10T13:42:00.002-05:00

Picture it.

A breezy and overcast Saturday. Temps in the low 50s. The perfect day for a run. A first run of spring, if you will.

Now. Insert high pollen count. A scratchy throat. Itchy eyes.

Enter...the husband who decides that it really would be the perfect day to get back on the run wagon. He flaunts his time (not really, but it adds to the literary atmosphere).

Quickly, I change into running clothes and grab my watch. I will be a runner today!

My feet carry me rapidly up the first hill. I AM AMAZING AND FAST! I would scream this aloud if my lungs were not already on fire. Down the hill I charge. My quads are baring the load. All of it.

First loop, on target to beat the husband's time. MUST. GO. FASTER.

The lungs have shriveled to the size of butter beans.

Again, up the big hill and speedily zipping along. Future races permeate my thoughts. They are quickly quashed by the louder voice - this is NOT FUN. A test of will.

I drag myself across the finish line of our driveway. I am faster by over a minute. I am VICTORIOUS. I am also not much of runner these days.

It's Thursday. My sinuses have been exploding since Sunday...perhaps pollen (err Spring) is not my best season.

Shut it down or ramp it up?

2011-03-04T09:08:00.002-05:00

To blog or not to blog that is the question. I am not sure what purpose this space serves for me at the moment. I have made wonderful connections here - amazingly talented, witty, energetic and trustworthy friends. There is a piece of them with me all the time which sounds a little creepy since I only 'know' them because of technology. Some of them I email, others we're FB friends and still others it's a purely blog relationship. If I never posted here again would anyone wonder where I went?

Hmmmmm.

My goals are evolving, life is complicated, there are risks that need to be taken if only to answer the question 'what if.' But is this the place to air all of it?

I've never been a part of a group. I have always played on the fringe. Imagine my surprise when I found this world and felt accepted. But now that my interests are shifting to fall in line with my goals...do I still fit in? This is part of who I am, what makes me tick. So what if I haven't done a triathlon since 2008? Who cares if I don't run a race in 2011? It's rhetorical and silly, I know. But it still makes me wonder where I fit.

And then, like a lifting fog I remember.

I am multifaceted. I am not defined solely by my job, my hobbies, my child, my husband, my blog, my religion, etc.

I am an original.

Buckle up. I think this space is going to get a lot more random.

Click

2011-02-09T21:47:00.002-05:00

I've been trying to force myself to find my motivation to get back into running. Find a triathlon that tugs at my heart strings. I read updates from friends on the book of face or on their blogs and I am genuinely happy for them and think I should really get back on the saddle. For a while I thought that it was a motivation thing, but it is definitely not about motivation.

It's an issue of desire.

Problems of motivation are full of excuses. I'm tired. I didn't eat enough today. My shoes need to be replaced. It's too hot. Too cold. I need to shave my armpits before I can go to the pool. Excuses can be overcome.

But desire? It's hard to fake that one. I am signed up for races. Really great races that six months ago I was pumped about. So why the change?

Well...

When I was pregnant all I thought about was running again. Triathlon. I dreamed of sprints and IM. I even dreamed of track meets (seriously...high jump, anyone?!). All of these dreams kept me going. Kept me a little bit sane. Until one day I discovered the dance studio.

I'm pretty sure there were fireworks.

So, the first six months of postpartum dancing I was trying to be both. Nine months postpartum I was still trying to figure out how to be a runner and a dancer. It is possible if the want is there. In fact, one of the girls in my classes is training for Louisville. SEE - it's possible. But somewhere between finding out I was pregnant with #2 and the miscarriage I realized that it was dance that I loved. I had loved it all along.

When I lost the little one my saving grace was that I got to keep dancing. Dancing through grief helped heal the hole.

The last few weeks I realized that I was going through the motions. Literally. But tonight's class made me smile from my head to my toes. I felt every beat of the music, every stretch through my fingertips. There is nothing better than having the choreography click.

And the best part? There is never a time that I don't feel like dancing. It doesn't matter if I'm exhausted or I had a terrible day. It doesn't matter if the weather is crappy. (It does matter if I haven't eaten much...calories are kind of important) The desire is there. Always.

From the first chord it all clicks.

Fuel the desire, follow your passion.

Dream a little dream

2011-01-28T12:48:00.006-05:00

Sometimes, a lot of times, I go about things the wrong way. I duck when I need to weave. Other times I plow ahead when I should just hang back and wait. But I get really frustrated when I heap expectations on myself and then sell myself short.

I sold myself short when I took my current job. I jumped at the opportunity to be employed because the timing was right and I was afraid that I wouldn't get an offer from anywhere else. Now I'm not going to jump ship without a safety net...so it's time to make a net.

But this isn't the post I want to write today. Nope today I want to talk about my dreams. This blog is, after all, entitled 'Running Down My Dreams,' so at some point I should write about those dreams.

I want a house. Not just 'a' house. A specific house. I discovered it within a couple of days of it being put on the market. It's been on the market almost as long as I've had this new job. The house looks at me every day and I look at it. The posting is printed out and pinned up at my desk at work. There is nothing glamorous about this house. It's fairly modest in size, probably close to 100 years old and in need of some serious TLC. The property is just shy of an acre. Walking distance to my favorite Great Lake. 1000 miles from where I currently live.

The job market surrounding this house is nearly non-existent. This isn't a place to live year round unless I plan on living off the land...and an acre isn't big enough for that. Plus, I enjoy electricity and without jobs we certainly couldn't afford to pay the electric bill to heat this old house.

So, it's not a reasonable house to call home...except that it kind of is. I look at this picture and my imagination runs wild with possibilities. I can hear the slap of a wood framed screen door as it shuts. I can see hanging sheets on the clothesline. I can see picking fresh basil out of the garden. I can hear the thunderstorm rolling across the bay. I can feel the cold wind on my cheeks during a sunny and frosty January day. I can see my child (and future children) gathering their towels to head to the beach. I can see our family bundling up to snowshoe through our friendly neighbor's wood lot.

All of this from a picture. I've never seen the house, at least not with the knowledge that it's for sale. It's in a small little village that I drove through more than a few times in my life. And it has invaded my dreams.

This house, this home, has become very real to me.

How long is a half marathon?!

2011-01-23T18:35:00.000-05:00

13.1 miles. 56 days until I trek 13.1 miles. It isn't a new distance for this body, but it sure has been a while. I guess I should probably find my running shoes...

Resolutions

2011-01-12T19:12:00.003-05:00

It's been a rather dramatic couple of weeks and it appears that maybe the roller coaster is slowly pulling back into the station (and I am frantically waving my arms trying to get off of the damn ride!). I had big news to announce all over the blogosphere and then suddenly, I didn't. I had a clear vision of what 2011 was going to look like, and then I didn't. And so the last couple of weeks have been spent in a bit of a fog. An emotionally draining fog. A physically demanding fog.

But the fog is beginning to lift and my thoughts are starting to clear again. It's time to move forward and embrace the new year.

And so I'm sitting here contemplating my resolutions. They are different than they were a few weeks ago, but in keeping with my last post - positive attitude will guide the way.

1 - Weight Loss
This is such a typical one; seriously, how many of us want to 'lose weight' or 'get fit'? So...what am I going to do about it? How will I make it come true? Well, it starts with the most magical place on Earth (and no that is NOT Disney World). It starts at Starbucks. Step one has been to eliminate all Starbucks food items - check. Step two has been NO more ventis - check. Step three - NO more grandes. Working on step three. We've been iced in since Sunday night so in actuality I haven't had a mocha since Sunday...but this hasn't been by choice, so it's a work in progress.

You've all read before that I'm giving up mochas and it hasn't happened yet. But the downsizing to a tall? Real possibilities. Very real. All I have to do is pinch my muffin top when I pull up to the drive-thru. And I know that in order to jump the way I want to in dance, a little lighter in the ass would be a great boost.

2 - Read More
I like to read. No, I love to read. And as a new-ish mom I haven't been reading as much as I would like, but that started even before Muppet came. I was slacking on my reading and slowly but surely I'm picking it back up. So I resolve to start and finish AT MINIMUM 3 books per month. Yup, 36 books in 2011. So far, I have finished one, am halfway through another and have just started the third. I shouldn't need to buy a new book for at least a few months since the library I've been collecting is pretty substantial. Oh AND I have a new subscription to The New Yorker. I'm a little left leaning. Deal with it.

3 - Clean up and clear out
My house is a disaster. We have too much stuff. Way too much stuff. Muppet has too much stuff and he just turned one. First step to this resolution has been one room at a time. The master bedroom. We tend to throw our clothes on the floor. And on top of the dresser. And on top of the dog's crate. And on the floor (yeah, it's so much I had to mention it again). Any designer or self-help guru will tell you that a messy room is the sign of a messy life (mental, physical, emotional, financial - take your pick). So, to create a stress free environment we've been keeping the top of the dresser and crate clutter free. Which reminds me - I need to put away some laundry...

The next challenge once the bedroom has been deemed a success (as in, I don't have to constantly remind myself to put stuff away) then we'll move on to the living room/dining area. And then, the basement (cue scary music). Things need to find a home or get the heck out of mine.

4 - Dance
This blog started as a chronicle of my first few years doing triathlons and working on my running. My heart isn't in these activities. My heart is in dancing. I let it go when I went to college because I thought that I had to. But it's here in my life. Opportunities to dance with amazing and talented people. In classes that would have freaked me out as an eighteen year old when I could have been considered remotely talented. Even though I'm not one of the girls chosen to shoot choreographer's reels or perform outside of the studio's year end performance. I get to dance with these girls. For those choreographers. Running and triathlon are things that I can do independently and provided I stay healthy - they have become activities that will always be there. I let dance slip away once before and as long as I have it here I will be dancing. As often as possible. Because that is who I am.

5 - Runs/Triathlon (not so much a resolution, but some thoughts)
After all of that did you really think that I was just going to stop? There are races that I am signed up for in the next couple of months. Races I am not ready for. Part of me wants to gut through them, but I don't have the base to gut through 11.5 miles on trails in 3 weeks. Not without turning my back on #4 and that, obviously isn't happening. The trail half at the end of February? I've booked a flight so that I won't be in town. I know that it isn't what I need to do right now and although that is a tough pill to swallow. It's the truth. This XTERRA race isn't in the cards. The series is awesome and had been my goal, but it wasn't the goal that I've been working toward and let's be honest...if it isn't 100% or even 75%, what's the point?

So there will be races in 2011. A road half in March. A trail 15k in June. Races to finish and enjoy. And who knows, maybe even a multisport event!

6 - Travel more
We're heading up for a quick ski trip in February. A spring trip to Charleston is in the works. A week of summer on the lake. And IM Wisconsin is in September and my favorite Chicago girl is racing. I'll be there. The money jar is in the kitchen.

And that is my loose plan. If I learned anything in the last few weeks it's that plans go to hell real fast.

Maybe the real resolution is to live in the moment.

Tinsel and candy and holidays - Oh My!

2010-12-30T10:26:00.002-05:00

After a whirlwind tour of mid-Michigan (you know you're jealous of my glamorous life!) we are back in the ATL. So many dinners, treats, visits with family I was starting to feel the holiday bloat. It was wonderful to see friends and family, but it sure was nice to get back on the plane! Muppet must have felt the same way because when we got to the car and he realized that it was his car and his carseat he squealed and clapped his hands - my sentiments exactly little man.

My bed never felt so comfortable.

With all of the expectations and excitement surround the holidays it's pretty easy to feel a letdown, but this year there is an underlying theme of anticipation. I'm expecting good things in 2011. In all aspects of my life. And going in with a positive outlook is one of the keys to success.

Time to plan for 2011 - what direction will you go?

Two Weeks of Wonder...and coughing

2010-12-20T10:47:00.002-05:00

2 weeks, 3 workouts...zero trips to the doctor. Why? Well, because I don't have sick time and frankly I kept thinking I was on the mend. Bah. Fortunately, I really AM feeling better and managed to survive one hard core dance class yesterday. My hamstrings are reminding me of it's awesomeness today. As is my lower back. Oof. So, now that I'm healthy-ish again it is almost time to get on an airplane AND have that lovely monthly girl fest. Oh how I love cramping and flying. Prepare her majesties sweatpants!

To add to the bloat I do believe I will consume roughly 2 dozen cookies this coming weekend. Spread the holiday love all over my thighs. Delicious.

Oh sorry, are my saddle bags grossing you out?! ME too!

I happened to stumble across some data from 2006. I weighed 20lbs less than I do this minute. And of course, I thought I was fat. My how perspective changes! Reality check, take one.

In other news I'm pretty sure it's going to be an awesome Christmas. Why? Because I will be with many of my favorite people in a place that I love.

If my jeans don't cut off my circulation we'll have a Christmas miracle on our hands!

Happy Festivus!

Wintertime runs

2010-12-13T10:00:00.002-05:00

I am a complete freak. Some of you are nodding in agreement, others may be anticipating some sort of explanation.

I can sum it up in one sentence.

I LOVE RUNNING IN THE SNOW.

*insert eye rolls of those that know I now live in Georgia*

I'm not kidding when I say that I love running in the snow. It's peaceful and tough. Plus, it makes me feel like a badass. Not going to lie, the badass factor is pretty great.

All last week I was knocked out with a terrible cold (I love my son, but he is a petrie dish of infection), so Sunday was the first run since my race last weekend. My brand new beautiful shoes had yet to be taken out for a run, so when my lungs cleared and the snow started to fall I took it as a sign. Get out there in the cold, blowing snow (all 78 snowflakes) and run.

In the interest of not overdoing it I chose to stay in the neighborhood and run a short 1.7 miles. Easy, peasy, piece o' cake. And fast. And cold. Damn cold. Where are my running gloves? But FAST. 16 minutes to do the loop is a pretty good clip for this mama.

Packing my running gear for our holiday travels to snow country...CAN'T WAIT!

RR: Victoria Bryant State Park XTERRA 10k

2010-12-08T10:57:00.004-05:00

Victoria Bryant State Park, home of the 4th race in the Georgia XTERRA trail series. Also known as, hill country. Also known as, lung buster country.

The night before:
I started feeling a little puny. My eyes were itchy and I was exhausted. I knew trouble was brewing, but I wanted series points...so I prayed that no one in my age group would show up. That didn't exactly work for me.

Race morning:
Muppet has been waking us up at 5am every morning, leaving us a bit sleep deprived. On race morning he slept in until after we left the house at 6:30am. Seriously dude. BUT it did allow me to have a cup of tea and a bowl of oatmeal in peace before heading 1.5 hours north (almost raced in another state!).

Picked up my chip and bib and wandered around for a few minutes. The toilets wouldn't flush...nothing worse than a REAL toilet that looks like a portopotty. Ewwwww.

The weather was chilly, didn't get above 40 the entire race. Cold air gave me a jolt.

Saw lots of Big Ten schools represented at the start line. I vowed to beat out the Ohio State guy (how dare they screw MSU out of a BCS game!)...he would pass me around mile 4 like I was standing still.

Mile 1 - Downhill start on a park road. In a word? Awful. Combine this with 5k runners. A little cozy. First mile felt nice and strong, like I was putting in a good effort. Got cropdusted by a woman wearing AWFUL perfume (who the f wears perfume to a trail race?!), had to pass her ASAP to get away from her stench. Started to wonder if there were going to be mile markers. Bad sign if I'm looking for a mile marker during the first mile. Found it. Nearly cried at the 12:09 on my watch.

Mile 2 - Mental shutdown after that 12 minute effort. The 5k runners were gone so I knew in terms of people who I was working with. I started walking the uphills AT MILE 2. Crap. Mile marker said 2.2 and my time improved...hmmmmm.

Mile 3 - The downhills on this course absolutely saved me. Close the gap. Uphill, widen the gap. Some girl with fresh legs zipped past. She was in my age group. I just know it. Marker at 3.5mi.

Mile 4 - Water! I need water! These uphills are really starting to get on my nerves. The downhills are getting a little tiresome too. And WHY is my heart rate through the roof?! Seriously, am I a hummingbird?! 4.5mi, water!!!

Mile 5 - A second wind. Thank you Jesus. I'm feeling a little religious. Or maybe I'm dying. Either way there is some praying going on. I am momentarily thankful to see a woman stretching on the side of the trail. Until I pass her and realize that there is no way she is in my age group. There is a fleeting moment where a couple of girls pull ahead of me and I think I can go with them. The moment passes and a I flame out and beg all things holy to help me hang on. My HR is still that of a bird.

Mile 6 - I catch one woman, determine she is not in my age group and strike up a conversation. We run side by side until we reach the .2mi sign. Then we try to beat each other up. Someone decided that the finish should be up a steep hill. I push. There is nothing left in the tanks. She beats me by 15 meters.

Overall - Initially, I was irritated that I didn't make my goal of sub-11 pace. Then I was annoyed that there were 2 girls in front of me that on a better day (mentally and physically) I would have been fighting with. Saturday was not my day.

The GOOD part of this experience was that I finished 1 minute faster than my trail 10k in October and this course was MUCH tougher, so my fitness is improving. I finished with enough points to remain in 4th place in the series (barely, but for now it still counts).

The BAD parts...apparently my hilly neighborhood is like running ant hills compared to what I did on this trail. Hill repeats are in my future.

The UGLY part is that I am now sicker than a dog. That elevated heart rate was my first clue and I still feel awful 4 days later.

This race site was exceptional. It really was a lovely course and despite not being able to breathe I really enjoyed it. Dirty Spokes is a top-notch race organizer and this event reaffirmed my love of trails.

Next race in the series is February - 21k on the trails. It hurts so good.

Race Nerves

2010-12-03T16:01:00.002-05:00

For the first time in a while I'm nervous about a race. Like the butterflies are going to choke me kind of nervous.

Trail 10k in the morning.

My goal without knowing the terrain is sub-11 pace. In other words, make every piece of runnable real estate count.

Holy geez! Why the heck am I so damn nervous?!

Amazing People Everywhere

2010-11-30T08:59:00.002-05:00

Do you ever get sucked in by bad news? We're a nation that swivels our necks at car accidents. A nation that watches.

But we're also part of a community that reaches out. There are GOOD people in this world. Amazing people. And you will find them in unexpected places. And you may not know them personally. Or you might.

Late last week as many of us were celebrating Thanksgiving one of my imaginary internet friends was grieving the loss of her son. His heart was heavy and now he's at peace. I had never met him or his mama, but I read every one of her race reports over the last 3-4 years and admire her grace and beauty. And she always offers support and advice to others on our forum. She is a woman of courage and perseverance. And now she is burying her child. I can't pretend to understand her grief, but I feel the weight of her loss when I look at my son. Loving a child opens you up to a whole new world of emotions, both good and bad.

Within a day, the multi-sport forum that I call my team rallied around her. None of us knew if or when she would see our notes, but everyone wrote to her. Because that's what this forum does. There are people from this forum that are contributing to her son's funeral because they don't want her to be burdened with the financial duress of this tragedy. Their only connection to her? They are all triathletes, duathletes, cyclists and runners.

I'm not the most social person; it's hard for me to make friends. Particularly real life, call you on the phone kind of friends. But these folks? They are people I would be honored to call my friends. Team LIT. You guys inspire me.

Giving Thanks

2010-11-24T09:58:00.002-05:00

A year ago Muppet was snuggled tight in my belly showing no signs of making an entrance. I was unemployed and anxious about money. The husband wasn't convinced that he made the right career move. Upheaval and uncertainty. Thanksgiving in a new city. It was a scary moment.

Fast forward to Thanksgiving 2010.

Muppet is almost 1.
I have a job for which I am thankful (we'll leave it at that).
The bank account is on the rebound.
The husband loves (strongly likes?!) his job.

And with that I give you Alili's THANKS...in no particular order:

~Autumn leaves
~My sisters (I miss you both tremendously)
~Cold mornings
~Mochas
~My fur kids
~Good books
~Overwhelming love
~Belly laughs
~Family phone calls
~Handwritten cards
~Magnolia trees
~Christmas carols
~Dance class
~Thunder thighs
~Jeans that fit
~Bumble and Bumble shampoo
~Lunchtime runs

And this...

Oh So Pretty

2010-11-17T11:05:00.003-05:00

WANTED:

Aren't they beautiful?! I bought new trail shoes and they are awful on roads (no surprise there!)...and my road shoes are dead. Never to be worn again. So I want these adidas Marathon 10s. I haven't tried them on, but I'm smitten.

Oh So Pretty.

In case you can't tell I kind of hate white shoes...

To Marathon...or not

2010-11-15T11:51:00.004-05:00

I threw together a training plan last week and posted it for my buddies at kick to comment on and tweak. I knew when I made it that it was doable and could get me across the line in one piece, but I wouldn't be setting any land speed records. Along with the plan was a brief litany of what I would not give up. Dance and XTERRA.

The feedback? Honest. Totally honest.

When it comes to my athletic (and emotional) history, these folks understand. We've been a 'team' for a few years now, witnessing babies, injuries, Ironmans, 5ks, PRs, PWs...all of it.

Everything that they said, was stuff I had thought about. Things that were nagging at me. I wanted my cake and I wanted to EAT it. But at what cost?

So, I sat down and asked myself. 'What race has my heart?'

The XTERRA series. It has been my goal all along. But I think that I was clutching to the full marathon because to other people it seemed like a more impressive goal. Since when have I been about pleasing other people?! Seriously.

So, my heart said XTERRA and that is the goal. Top 5 in my AG at the end of the series. I'm sitting in 4th. Time to put on my big girl pants and hit the trails.

Marathon...we'll meet again someday. On my terms.

TAKE MY MONEY!!! please.

2010-11-11T10:33:00.002-05:00

Allow me to elaborate. Two years ago I came up with this great idea to start an alumni scholarship at my high school alma mater. It's a teeny tiny school in northern Michigan, the people their are fabulous, the students are great - and absolutely worthy of receiving scholarships toward the cost of higher education.

Two months ago (yeah, so there's a slight gap in time frame...ahem) I pitched the idea to a couple of suckers people that also graduated from the same school. They loved the idea and helped get together an application, a solicitation letter and are spreading the word about this project to generate interest. The goal is $1000 for one student starting with the Class of 2011.

So, great idea, good support, achievable goal - what's the problem?

WE HAVE NOWHERE TO PUT THE MONEY! We can't very well send out a letter to alumni without telling them where to send their checks and whether or not their donation is tax deductible! The principal hasn't stepped up to help. Why? Who knows?! This is a town with less than 1000 people - a college education is expensive - TAKE OUR MONEY!

*grumble*

Which Plan????

2010-11-07T19:49:00.002-05:00

Marathon training starts November 29th. Or November 15th. With 3 runs/week. Or 4x. Or 5x. With cross-training. Or without. Speedwork. Or not. There are so many plans to choose from! Some are time goal motivated, others are 'just finish.' (Goal number 1 is always to finish!)

But none of them say - dance 2x/week with a long run on Saturday, speedwork and the freedom to play around with a swim or a bike ride. Maybe even lift a few weights.

I entered some info into the Runner's World program and it was completely delusional. 2 runs per week. Two. The long run maxed out at 15 miles. FIFTEEN. I tried a similar plan for my first marathon...it didn't go well.

So, it looks like I'll be designing my own - sit back, relax and watch a former high jump coach coach herself to a marathon PR. :)

Hail storms

2010-11-05T20:21:00.002-04:00

There is nothing like sneaking in a run when it is 45 degrees, blustery winds and a pouring rain/hail mix. Nothing. Even though the run was a short 1.7mi it was tons of fun. I got to test out my trail shoes in inclement weather - pretty sure they are going to work out well.

Puddles, blinding hail. Awesome.

I felt alive and invigorated.

Get out and play in the elements!

My Neighborhood

2010-11-03T10:08:00.002-04:00

Do you ever think about where you want to live? The people that you want in your neighborhood? If you could design your ideal neighborhood or town, what would it look like?*

I wouldn't want my neighbors to be just like me. I get enough of me every day. I want variety on my street. Comfortable houses with spacious yards, not McMansions on postage stamps. I'd like to see kids riding bikes and playing tag without worrying about cars speeding blindly down the street.

I want people that believe in healthy living, but aren't afraid to eat a greasy cheeseburger and drink a few beers at the neighborhood gathering.

If this is your neighborhood, then I'm moving in next door.

Hello November!!!

2010-11-02T15:33:00.002-04:00

November brings one big test, a month of base building runs, turkey, mashed potatoes, pie, the husband's first half marathon and mashed potatoes. Mashed potatoes are kind of a big deal for me.

November brings crowded stores, cooler temperatures, family photos, wool sweaters, a happier dog and family birthdays.

November brings Thanksgiving and a four day weekend.

November brings gale force winds and freezing rain (in Michigan...not so much here in Georgia).

November brings change and familiarity.

All in all, November looks pretty good from where I'm sitting.

(yup, mashed potato cones)

Survival and Revival

2010-10-28T11:35:00.003-04:00

Have you noticed the cycles that I go through? No, not those cycles...life cycles. I think to some extent most of us go through them. And if you don't and you live in la-la land all the time then you can shut it.

Survival - Fight tooth and nail to hold it together in a toxic work environment. I hate to be the person that complains about having a job in this economy. Particularly when I NEED a job in this economy. But I look for a new one every day because the one I have is destroying me. It is toxic. Kid you not.

Revival - Renewed sense of direction. I want my PhD. I am taking the GRE in one week. It could be disastrous, but I have given myself permission to take a chance and if need be I can apply to school next year. (But holy crap it would be awesome to be starting school next year.)

Survival - Depression makes me want to curl up in a ball and never exercise again. All medical evidence points out that this is a bad idea. I am getting by on intermittent runs and trips to the dance studio. I am exhausted. All day. The endorphin rush lasts the duration of the workout plus 5 minutes.

Revival - Didn't you hear me? I am getting by. A run on Monday, a dance class on Monday, rest on Tuesday and I literally dragged myself to one tough long dance class last night. Thanks to the husband and David my dance teacher for 'getting it' and breathing life into me.

I ebb and I flow. Sometimes I feel like I'm drowning and other times the sun starts to shine. But I am never alone. And for that I am so thankful. I fight to survive and take the opportunity to revive. But I am never alone. THANK YOU.

Breath in and release.

Finding Motivation

2010-10-25T10:30:00.001-04:00

My husband can now run faster and farther than me. This is unacceptable (of course I knew it was inevitable once he finally committed consistently to a training plan).

Hello motivation. Welcome back.

Mile Monday

2010-10-18T13:11:00.002-04:00

I needed something to focus on to start my week. As you can read, last week was kind of the suck and I am battling against the depression monster. Squirrelly guy hides out behind doors, under beds and in my running shoes of all places! So yesterday as I plodded through a less than motivational 2 miles on the treadmill I had a thought.

Why not make the 3rd Monday of the month Mile Monday?

I would commit to running one mile. I can commit to that...I think. ;)

With this stroke of brilliance I hopped of the treadmill and packed my back pack with clothes for Monday. And honestly, I felt a little excited about the whole thing.

Sat at my desk all morning. Quiet. I didn't try to talk myself out of my plan. It's just a mile. (A mile of pure PAIN, but a mile nonetheless.) Instead I focused on drinking my water. Easy little task that has fallen by the wayside lately (in addition to everything else).

Lunchtime mile here goes!

I work very close to the University track...the long way to get there is about a half mile, which I used as an easy warm-up. Arrived at the track and walked to the start line. Before I could psych myself out I took off (it's all relative).

First lap thoughts - I AM SO FAST! I wonder if this is too fast? Shut up head we said we were going all out. 4 laps. 16x100. 16, 15, 14, 13 One done! 1:57

Second lap thoughts - This is hard. Like really hard. I'm uncomfortable. Pump your arms, you'll feel better. Why are your shoulders in your ears? You're doing AWESOME. You're still alive. 1200, 1100, 1000, 900m to go. 2:06

Third lap thoughts - This was the stupidest idea ever. Hang in there! It's ONLY a MILE. You're more than halfway done! My lungs are on fire. Bringing an inhaler would have been smart. I wonder if I pass out if that grounds crew guy will notice? 800, 700, 600, 500m and counting. 2:08

Bell lap thoughts - FOR THE LOVE OF GOD RUN WOMAN! Am I running in slow motion? Pick up your knees! These shoes are terrible. I'm buying new shoes. Today. Legs don't fail me now. FINISH LINE. 2:01

And then I stopped my watch. 8:13.

A new PR by at least 10 seconds (I'm a little hazy on my actual mile PR since I've really only done one in my whole life).

I didn't die. My lungs didn't explode. My legs didn't cramp up. I even managed a half mile jog back to the office. It was hard and it was awesome. And on November 15th I'll do it all over again.

Is it PPD or just plain D?

2010-10-15T10:28:00.005-04:00

Despite my best efforts to be Miss Mary Sunshine I still can't seem to get out from under this dark cloud for more than a few hours at a time. And it's kind of exhausting. Life has been chucking bad news at me all week. Lots of older relatives are having health problems and I may have to take a trip...and not a welcome trip. But that's a big maybe for now and I would like to keep it that way.

It is not a surprise that my job gets me down. Hourly. But the bright spot is my bank account is benefiting, which means that at some point our whole family will benefit. I admit it's really nice to see money in there and the goal once I realized how unfortunately toxic this job is has become ONE YEAR. I need to make it for 365 days to make the kind of contribution that I want to make. And then, we'll see. In the meantime, I'm taking steps to escape the toxicity. My workload increased as people noticed my competency. A welcome change even if it stinks of mediocrity.

But the mental and physical mes are suffering. The signs are all there. Exhaustion. Insomnia. Emotional highs. Emotional lows. Outbursts. Sobbing. Inactivity.

I danced Sunday and Monday.

That's it.

I've brought running clothes with me to work every day this week. They are still clean and fresh. All I want to do is sleep. All day. If I had personal time, I would take it. Just to sit back and reflect. And hit refresh.

The difficulty with all of this is that my coping mechanisms aren't available. I don't have time to take off and have a 'me' day. I don't get to come home and unload to my great listener of a husband until after Muppet goes to bed. So instead I find myself crying on the way to work. Or on the way home from work. Or at lunch. Or in the bathroom.

In the beginning it was tears of frustration with circumstances. Now it's just tears of exhaustion and sadness. Sad that I can't seem to find my balance. My inner strength. My inner peace. I long for the safe places that I would go when my head was in a bad place. But those places are a thousand miles away. I haven't built a haven in my new home. And that is hard to deal with. I never realized what a creature of habit I had become.

I know that DOING something will help. I know that taking about it will help (writing about it certainly does!). I know that it's just a rough patch. But I don't know how to find my way out of this tunnel. I'm tired of this dark cloud.

I will not be defeated.

So today, I will focus on something small. It's Friday and I made it to the end of this long week. :)

Mama Needs a New Pair of Shoes (or 3)

2010-10-11T10:41:00.003-04:00

Work shoes v. road running shoes v. trail shoes.

I am desperately in need of new shoes for work. I am down to one pair that I can wear all day long without getting blisters or twisting my ankle. Sadly, I can walk miles in high heels without tipping over, but my Danskos always cause me to roll it. Seriously. They are like expensive geriatric shoes and they make me nearly face plant every single time I wear them. They have become hazardous. High heels, though charmingly cute are giving me blisters. Sad face.

My road shoes. I have killed them. I bought them when Muppet was a few months old from a stooopid lady at the local running store. She wanted to put my 170lb+ ass in a pair of lightweight trainers. HAHAHAHAHAHA. Good one lady. Fortunately, I am smarter than that and walked out with some adidas that did the trick. Until I tortured them with two trail races. Their life expectancy was cut short. Must have new shoes. Soon. On a related note: Why must Brooks screw with their shoe designs? Glycerin 5 was my friend, all others have sucked. Bad.

Trail shoes. They are all old and dead. The last pair I bought were a big fat fail (Again, thank you Brooks for ruining a perfectly good design). So I need new ones. And I need them soon so that I can test them out and break them in before my next race. Because there are even bigger races on the horizon...that I have to tell my husband about before I tell you all. :) Goodness, I'm hyperventilating just thinking about this race...

AND

Did I mention that marathon training starts in less than 8 weeks? Building a base so I can have some FUN in March!

Seasonal Affect...I'm Disordered

2010-10-06T09:03:00.002-04:00

If one has to pick a favorite season, this native northerner picks fall. (Autumn, for those of you that like to class it up a bit.) Love it. Passionate about it. And as September came and it was still in the 90s in Georgia I craved fall. In the last year I've come to romanticize much of my life prior to moving. My job was better, the weather was nicer, things were easier (okay, life was a bit easier, but we weren't parents then!)...one thing I don't think I've exaggerated is my love affair with cashmere sweaters.

Before anyone jumps on my case about spending money on expensive sweaters I'll have you know I haven't bought one in a year.

I digress.

A perfect fall day is overcast with streaks of sunshine. Trees ablaze in reds, yellows and oranges. A crisp breeze that makes you pull your collar closer to your neck. A warm beverage (hot cider is a good one). A good book. A college football game. Fresh bread from the oven. Hot stew that's been on the stove most of the afternoon.

I'm going to make myself cry if I don't stop now!

Needless to say, 90' didn't agree with me...for four months. And as I watched the calendar change I started to get a little tempermental. And nostalgic.

Then, in a blast of northern air I woke up to 46' and thought 'I don't think I could do another Michigan winter.'

The body is weak.

Cutting Myself Slack

2010-10-03T20:49:00.002-04:00

Okay, I'm taking back all of my negativity about my race. I was 6th out of 11 in my age group. Which meant that my 33:30 was pretty okay for this course. That said, I still need to get my ass in gear. Because I'm not stopping at 6th...and I sure as hell am not stopping at 10:48 pace.

5k Death March...

2010-10-02T20:32:00.002-04:00

TMI ALERT - if you're a squeamish dude you may want to hop, skip and jump over some of this RR. :)

After much prodding and a last minute green light last night I headed out for Race #2 in the GA XTERRA Trail Series this morning. I went alone, which is a total mixed bag. I like the peace of driving by myself and getting settled, but it's nice to have a friendly face on the course too. Since I'm still very new to the races down here I don't know anyone yet...and no one really likes to make friends with the unknown slow kid. Meh, whatever.

The temperature was GREAT (~54 degrees at the start) and I was excited to experience a little bit of autumn weather. Today's race was a 5k, so in my head I was ready for a little hurt. What I wasn't ready for was what was coming. We'll chalk this race up to 'character building.'

Just like last week this race started on a paved trail. Seriously, let's get rid of the pavement. Only .25mi. Uphill. Not a gradual grade. Straight up the damn hill. Right turn at what appears to be the top of the hill to enter the woods. Still going uphill. So...almost the entire first half mile was uphill. And my lungs said - eff you. Between the cool-ish temps and the climb to God, I was totally screwed. Exercise induced asthma (at least mine) only rears it's head if the air is cold or if I send myself into HR orbit. Awesome. I'm dying.

If I were wearing a HR monitor I'm pretty sure I would have had an HR PR. If I had my inhaler I would have inhaled until it was empty. So, I stopped and settled down, right?

Nope. Dumb chic kept on marching on. 'It's only a 5k!'

Thank goodness the downhills matched the demonic uphills. I was pretty sure in that first mile that this race was the stupidest 5k I had ever run...or wogged. My head was all over the place and then I started to notice some discomfort in a not so convenient locale.

***TMI ALERT***

Aunt Flo is in town, which for a race never really worries me. In fact, I tend to have decent runs during her visits. Today? I had a freakin' tampon that decided it wanted to abandon ship. Seriously?! Not cool, trying to run while doing kegels.

***End TMI***for now...

Mile 1 11:06. Wah!

Forward I go. There is no other choice. I am passed. I pass others. I powerwalk the uphills and blast the downhills with everything I have. People get in my way and I try not to barrel roll over them. Trails are a lot more fun when you are running behind people. The footing is good. Great, actually. There are very few roots to avoid, a few rocks to dodge, but I dance over them on the downs. The uphills have me crying uncle.

Mile 2 10:40. I'll take it!

***More TMI***

I literally had to adjust things while running so that I didn't have a surprise come out my pant leg. Awful. Do not try anything new for race day. This includes tampons.

***TMI all done!***

Water stop at about 2.25. No thanks, if I stop now I'll just lay in the road and wait to be run over.

Dear God is this race over yet?! Round a corner. Darth Vader keeps leapfrogging me. She is annoying. Sweet lord that is a hill made of red Georgia dirt and I have to climb it. I love trails, I love trails, I love trails. I will never leave my inhaler alone. I will train for my next race. I promise. Just let me live to see the damn finish line of this one!

About a half mile from the finish we're back on a paved trail. There is hope that the finish line is ahead. I drop Darth Vader and go for the old man. At this point all I can think is RUN! (Perhaps I should have thought of this earlier?!) Take out the old guy, passed his wife too. I am sure that I have wasted $35 on a race in which I will probably not earn any points. This makes me furious with myself. And sad.

Mile 3 10:51. I don't even care at this point.

Finish line! Finish line! Finish line! I pulled together some semblance of running form and crossed in what may be my worst 5k time ever.

Forget to stop my watch. Pretty sure it's a 33. Try not to trip on the woman that took my chip. Grab a banana. Get in the car and head home.

I was angry and sad for about 3 miles on the drive home and then I snapped out of it. I am the one that can fix this. All of it. Only I can control what I put into my training or my racing.

The next race in the series that I will be at is December 4th. 10k in hill country. I will be ready. I owe to myself.

(waiting patiently to see the official results - and see if by some miracle no one in my AG showed up)

Get your run on!

Take to the TRAILS

2010-09-27T20:03:00.002-04:00

I've always had a love affair with trails. Growing up we would go on a 'forest march' several times a week. The deer path was killer on little kid legs...and it didn't get easier as an adult! Trails offer peace and solace, as well as immense physical challenges. I enjoy all kinds of trails (except maybe rocky ones), particularly single track. In a word: THRILLING. (On two feet, not two wheels)

Saturday was the first race in the XTERRA GA series for 2011...yup, 2011 which meant that age groups are as of Dec. 31, 2011 and that I get to be 31 7 months early. I will blame my new age on my slow times. ;)

The series is really scattered as far as distances, 10k, 5k, 9mi, 10k, 21k, 15k. No real consistency which means based on past results that it's a total crap shoot in terms of who is going to show up. The top 15 in each age group accumulate points which lead to qualifying for Nationals, but that's another story for another day. Four races count toward points, which is good since I will not be at the 9mi (or the 5k unless the husband kindly obliges...which isn't looking good).

First race - 10K!

My training - Laughable. According to my notes I did a 4 mile run on September 4th and then went into serious taper mode with weekly mileage in the single digits. Did I mention this race was a 10k? On trails?

Prerace - Nothing fancy for breakfast, the whole family rushed out the door at 7am for an 8:30 race. Arrived in plenty of time, checked in, picked up my AWESOME race shirt, wandered around hugging the Muppet...didn't stretch or warm-up.

THE RACE - I had no idea what to really expect from myself. My friend Sherry gave me a good rundown of what to expect and I HOPED that I could come in around 12:00 pace. Push a little here and there and not kill myself. So with that pace in mind I lined up in the back and prayed that no one in my age group showed up. (Incentive to actually train next time?!)

The first 3/4 mile was on pavement. Ick. This pavement would also rear it's ugly head for the last 1/2 mile or so. The speedsters took off in a furious flurry of feet and the rest of us shuffled along. I decided to make friends and relax for the first 3 miles. Caught up to an old guy from Wisconsin and we discussed upcoming races. He was new to ATL and didn't like hilss...made me curious as to why he was running this series...shortly after this I told him to be nice to me when he passed me later in the race. I left him behind and never saw him again.

Mile 1 - 10:31. Crap on a stick. WAY faster than I had planned and ultimately my fastest mile of the race.

Mile 2 - The goal was to sloooooow down. I was feeling the stupidity of my first mile and had to keep reminding myself that this was a 10k. I also had the urge to try and reel people in...fortunately I reminded myself that this was not the time or the place for that - too early in the race and WAY too undertrained for BS. The pain cave would be real dark if I didn't get it together right. this. second. 11:50

Mile 3-4 - FUN. My mind finally remembered what it meant to run trails. And my body was figuring it out too. All of the dancing I've been doing was really helping with body positioning, but my cardio was garbage...gee, shocking. I congratulated everyone I passed (about 5 people) and chatted with a woman who was running her first 10k and her first trail race. Powerwalked the uphills and danced the downs. I didn't let it rip the way I would have liked to on the downhills, but with more running in my legs and less weight in my ass that will be happen.

Mile 5 - Too much too soon. I had an absolute blast from the mile 4 marker to the mile 5 and it showed in mile 6. If this race could have ended at 5, I would have been a happy camper! I flew by a few people (every girl that I passed I knew that I HAD to beat them if I wanted points) and it was awesome.

Mile 6 - Pavement and pain. I absolutely crapped out in the last 1.2mi. It was all uphill and the last .5mi was on pavement. I was d.r.a.g.g.i.n.g. This undertraining junk was really starting to take it's toll! I'm embarrassed by how much I walked at the end of this race, though not in the least bit surprised.

FINISH! - According to the results I came in 1:12:10 (11:38 pace) and I was happy. My goal was to keep it close to 12s and I made it with plenty of time to spare. The second goal (POINTS) was iffy. I knew I passed a few women, but were any of them in my age group? One. I beat one woman in my age group. DANG IT ALI START TRAINING! Took a quick glance at the results (before my time was posted) and saw the top 8 girls in my AG were all under 9min pace. You never know who is going to show up to race...

Fortunately, the overall winners were NOT in my AG (overall results don't matter in the series - only AG...so if the top 3 overall are in your AG they get those points and everyone else gets the leftovers). I was 11th out of 12 - 37 points!!!!! With a little luck and some TRAINING I have a chance of more points!

Afterthoughts - Overall this race was very well organized, nice facilities, great (EASY) trails: a good reintroduction to the trails for me. And now it's time to get serious. My next race is either this Saturday (5k) or December (10k)...I can tell you that it feels good to be 'home' though.

I LOVE TRAILS!!!

Gnatty

2010-09-22T09:46:00.002-04:00

I have the attention span of a gnat. I see a race and my response is 'I wanna!' I see others jumping on the IM wagon, 'I wanna!' Someone getting their PhD, 'I wanna!'

This girl needs some focus, for real.

A BIG part of my gnatty behavior is my lack of career fulfillment. And yes, I do understand that a lot of people don't love their jobs and that they are 'just' jobs. But that is kind of a rotten deal, don't you think? I mean, you get up and spend 40+ hours a week from the people and activities that you like to do. Figure in commute time and I don't know about you all, but I have a hard time doing much of anything some nights after work. (Hurray, that last night I hopped on the treadmill at 9:15PM and knocked out a couple of miles.)

So, as a result I am easily distracted by everything else - the 'wannas.' The things that may fill the void of excitement. Since work is lame, let's do something cool in my free time...oh wait, I don't have much free time.

Herein lies the rub.

Hmmmmmmm, what to do?

How about I shine the light on myself and ask what direction I really want to go? As long as the husband and the muppet are by my side I can't go wrong.

Focus on YOUR dreams today.

A Glimmer

2010-09-14T11:18:00.002-04:00

The new design and the new picture background are my positive reinforcements - a reminder of my goals.

Finding the happy places in my life and realizing what it takes to get there.

I'll get to the details eventually. :)

Smiles

2010-09-13T08:29:00.002-04:00

Triathlon could not come at a better time. To all of my friends made through training and racing I am so lucky to have you all. I asked for help and your outpouring of encouragement has been awesome. THANK YOU for being my support team.

I will get out from under my dark cloud - 'seeing' so many of you race this weekend and have WONDERFUL days brought a smile to my face.

Congrats Beth, Michelle, Sara, Ron, Mike, Scott and Charisa just to name a few rockstar athletes that tore up some courses this past weekend! Check their blogs for upcoming race reports if you want a little inspiration!

Today's goal - regular coffee, no mochs. Saving $1.75 and nearly 300 calories.

Shame

2010-09-10T10:12:00.003-04:00

This post is selfish. Consider yourself warned.

Lately I've been bluesy. Very bluesy. And I've coped with food. A lot of food. Ever since I felt the inkling that I would be going back to work I have stuffed my emotions down my throat using every ounce of chocolate and sugar I could find. So my pride for getting back to pre-pregnancy weight (according to my home scale) has been obliterated by the weight that I have put back on the last 5+ weeks. Since I walked into my new office 3 weeks ago I have gained 5lbs. The gain has been fast and furious and the scale has tipped to 181.2lb.

181.2 as of this morning (scale at work).

I nearly choked on my pumpkin scone. The mocha I drank this morning had the aftertaste of shame.

I have quietly made excuses for myself as I've adapted to my new life. But I haven't actually adapted. I've been consumed with excuses. The excuses have been running my life and it's time for me to run them into the ground.

Recently I read a book by Allen Zadoff called Hungry. It shed a light on food addiction and the misconception that all food addicts are 300+lbs. I have hidden food consumption throughout my life. I have binged. I have comforted myself. I am of the mindset that I will start 'tomorrow.'

Friends, I can't wait until tomorrow.

There is high cholesterol in my family. There is heart disease in my family. There is thyroid disease in my family. There is food addiction in my family.

I have made myself a victim and I don't want to be a victim anymore. My eating is coupled with financial irresponsibility. My hopes and dreams of owning a house are squashed every time I make a purchase. Stupid purchases. You know, the extras. Go to Target and try to but 'just' paper towels. I walk out with a new shirt, hair products, gum, a coke, a toy for my kid and no paper towels. Classic.

And I have denied both my habitual spending AND my food addiction. And I have admitted both. And I have yet to make a change for more than 24 hours. Herein lies the shame. I have never held myself accountable to myself. In the end I am the only one that can take care of ME...so how do I do it? How do I make it happen?

I have resources at my fingertips. Blogs, magazines, gyms, studios, friends, family. The question becomes 'how.' How do I overcome? How do I make the changes? How do I get passed my fears? How do I stop making excuses?

If only life were as easy as Nike says - just do it.

Maybe admitting I need help and that THIS is hard. Being a working mom in a new job that I hate but need because I am a fiscal disaster and addicted to food. HARD.

I thought about giving myself a goal. X amount of lbs by x/x/xx. Or training for X race. Or saving X amount of money. I think I need to think smaller. Like getting through today without ending up staring at an empty Reese's wrapper. And there are days, my friends when even that seems like a long shot.

Breathe in....and release.

Lock and load

2010-09-04T20:22:00.001-04:00

September 25th. 10k. Trails. Be there.

This is going to be fun. And painful. Which means awesome. :)

Stress makes me eat...a lot.

2010-08-31T21:19:00.002-04:00

Well, so much for that pre-pregnancy number. The girl has fallen face first into all things high calorie. And the scale is not forgiving. It would be one thing if I didn't notice it while naked, but seriously...I notice.

Not impressed with myself.

The excuses? None.

I need to figure work out while being away from home from 7am-5:30pm with a kid that goes to bed at 7pm...it can and will be done. For example, my 4 miles on Sunday felt decent (particularly when I left the hubby in the dust at the end) and dancing felt spectacular yesterday. But today? I got stressed and sad and instead of running at lunch and then eating my bagged lunch I went out to lunch...alone...and stuffed my face.

sigh.

Swift kick in the pants needed. Stat.

Well hello there...

2010-08-25T15:27:00.003-04:00

My husband mentioned that 'someone' hadn't updated the blog in a while and that 'someone' was a slacker.

Dude.

What do you want to know? I started a new job. Muppet has forgotten I exist (minus the 2x daily when he wants me to take off my shirt). The dog refuses to play frisbee anymore and we've considered moving because she is afraid of our backyard. Some baby weight came back...oh wait, I suppose there is some fine print somewhere that I can't consider weight gain 'baby weight' if in fact, I am not pregnant.

Hmmmm.

Dance is humming along. I wish I were good enough for the choreographer to pick me for an upcoming piece, but I'm not. Yet.

Running is hit or miss, although I DID run at lunch today. Yep, ran at high noon in the ATL. Take that heat and humidity. I'm still signed up for a marathon in March. Someone should really find an extra day in the week so that I can train. Or I could not dance as much.

Not going to happen.

I am as scattered as ever and my kid is almost walking.

And he has SEVEN teeth...at 9 months old. He's an overachiever in the teeth department. Kind of like me in the neurosis department.

So, that about sums it up. All is not lost or forgotten and in fact all is relatively splendid.

To my faithful readers (particularly the spammers that I delete daily) - smooch.

Breathe in....and release

2010-08-10T11:01:00.003-04:00

Let the crying begin.

I am starting a new job a week from today. It's a good job. The pay is fantastic. We all knew I wasn't going to be a stay-at-home mommy forever. But this is awful. I'm a wreck. Every time I look at the little Muppet my throat gets all tight and tears fill my eyes.

Mentally, I am SO ready to start working again. My brain is turning to mush.

My heart, however, is breaking. And I am not prepared for that little ache.

Phew.

Breathe in...and release.

*muffled sobs*

Psst...

2010-08-09T21:59:00.001-04:00

I've been running...and the last two runs were neighborhood 5ks...pushing a stroller...with a 20lb kid...

If I can run a 5k in 34:25 pushing that much weight a sub-30 is mine. MINE.

Must. Find. A. Race.